The once kind sadist
by Ninnuk
Summary: UPDATED! Proofread! Following the Prolog storyline of Far Cry 5 with the main focus on the young Deputy, Rookie Emily, and John. Not a nice fic, this is my first story ever and I'm not a native speaker, but supported by a lovely beta :) I don't own anything, even parts of the rookie are stolen from Ubisoft ;)
1. Chapter 1

_GUYS! I'm so happy to tell you the story got corrected by the most wonderful_ chodofaggins _! The story itself didn't change it simply much MUCH more pleasant to read :)_

 _I could not be more grateful!_

 _Enjoy :)_

* * *

 **CHAPTER 1**

Prologue

 ** _Emily_**

You still couldn't believe it. People had told you various stories and you've read a few reports, but when the Sheriff showed the Marshal and you an insider video you were truly shocked.

Unlike Marshal Burke. He sat, unimpressed, in front of you in the helicopter. He had an arrest warrant for Joseph Seed and dutifully wanted to proceed no matter what, even though Sheriff Whitehorse tried his best to persuade him not to. You also had a bad feeling about this, but, as a rookie, you hadn't had much to say. In fact, you sat quietly throughout the whole flight, thinking about your childhood memories.

You grew up here, in Hope County. The Seed family lived close by, and you remembered the youngest brother, John, and the second born brother, Joseph, vaguely. John had always seemed kind, and you remembered...adoring him? Right know, this felt strange and wrong, considering he was five years older than you and his current, well…engagement, so you focused on Joseph, the cult's leader. He must have stepped up or changed a lot since you last saw him about 15 years ago. He wasn't much of a leader then, more a follower. No, that also wasn't right. Now that you were thinking about it, he was always present, not just in church or the town meetings. Not simply following, more like lurking, listening, and what? Collecting? Preparing for this, apparently. Being a cult leader. And a brutal one, from what they saw in the video.

''Last chance, Marshal.'' Sheriff Whitehorse pulled you out of your walk down memory lane.

''We're going in.'' Marshal Burke was still confident.

You looked out, and there it was. They had to land at the compound's entry, since it was the only place wide enough for the helicopter. You really had a bad feeling about this whole situation, mainly because Sheriff Whitehorse was remarkably tense and, well, let's not forget about all those armed cultists staring right at you. They were called Peggies, short for 'Project of Eden's Gate,' P.E.G., and they all looked savage of some sorts. And it was disconcerting.

Sheriff Whitehorse told everyone to stay calm, to keep their guns holstered, and to let him do the talking right after he quite unnervingly told Nancy to call the National Guard if she didn't hear from us in fifteen minutes. Your heart was pounding hard in your chest, and you tried to ignore the stares and calm down the whole way to the church. You knew Joseph would be there. Sheriff Whitehorse had his insider information.

Before entering the church, Sheriff Whitehorse again reminded everyone to stay calm, not overreact, and to go about this his way. The Marshal agreed and tried to teasingly calm him down by telling him, ''You're about to get your name in the paper,'' after the Sheriff explicitly told him not to do anything stupid.

The church inside was almost as dark as the night outside, the only sources of light being the moon and some fires. The previously heard chorus became silent, once Joseph started preaching.

''Something is coming. You can feel it, can't you? That we are creeping toward the edge…and there will be a reckoning. That's why we started The Project. Because we know what happens next. They will come.'' And of course they heard you entering. ''They will try to take from us. Take our guns. Take our freedom…'' Everyone sitting in the back and middle row suddenly began standing up and staring at you. ''Take our faith! But we will not let them.'' Okay, everyone was staring at you.

''Sheriff c'mon - -'' The Marshal started, clearly irritated by the whole scenario, but the Sheriff interrupted him.

''Just hold on, Marshal,'' with soothing gestures to all sides.

''We will not let their greed, or their immorality, or their depravity hurt us anymore!'' Joseph raised his voice a bit, and a man walked to his side. It was John.

''Sheriff,'' the Marshal tried again.

''Do not pull that trigger. Remain calm…'' The Sheriff tried his best to soothe him.

''No, fuck this.'' The Marshal wouldn't listen, and showed Joseph the arrest warrant. ''Joseph Seed! I have a warrant issued for your arrest on the suspicion of kidnapping with the intent to harm! Now, I want you to step forward and keep your hands where I can see 'em!"

''Here they are…the Locusts in our garden…You see, they've come for me.'' Joseph started, and the crowd began complaining, while few placed themselves between Joseph and us. ''They've come to take me away from you. They've come to destroy all that we've built."

The crowd was angry now and Sheriff Whitehorse tried to calm everyone down loudly, ''Now hold on, do not touch that service weapon! Hold on and stand down! Stand down! Everyone, calm down!''

''Everyone, calm down!''Jospeh quieted his followers and stood besides them, calmingly touching their shoulders. John quietly moved behind him, watching. You had difficulties focusing on Joseph, for your eyes were on John. He was watching you as well, not knowing yet who you were.

''We knew this moment would come. We have prepared for it. Go. Go…'' Joseph finally calmed his followers, and you just now realized that John was accompanied by his oldest brother, Jacob, and Faith, his adopted sister. You only knew them from pictures in the files you've read.

''God will not let them take me.''

The cultists passed you, watching you, leaving the church. Your heart was racing in your chest, and you saw only the Seed Family united in front of you. This all seemed too insane to be real. Your eyes wandered back to John, and he was searching yours as if trying to figure you out. You could tell he knew you but couldn't yet tell where from.

''Step forward.'' The Marshal interrupted Joseph, but you weren't listening to either of them talk.

''Hell followed with him.''

You could feel Joseph's gaze upon you. Breaking eye-contact with John, you saw Joseph holding his hands out in front of you like a gesture of peaceful surrender.

''Rookie-cuff this son of a bitch.'' The Marshal addressed you now.

''God will not let you take me,'' Joseph said once more.

Everyone's eyes were on you now, while all you could do was study Joseph's bare chest. It was covered in scars and tattoos, as where his arms.

''Come on, Rookie…'' The Marshal was impatient, probably uncomfortable as well by now. _Fuck!_ You knew this was a mistake. All of it. No matter what you chose to do. You couldn't just ignore orders and you knew it was the right thing to do, but you were very certain by now that if you'd cuff him all hell would break lose out there. _Damnit! Just get through with it… you can do it._ So you cuffed Joseph.

''Sometimes the best thing to do…is to walk away…'' he dauntingly whispered.

You tried to blur everything out as best as you could. _Get him to the helicopter and get out of here. How hard can that be. Just keep walking, calmly._

Everyone was on edge, hands on guns and tense. You focused on your breathing and directed the cuffed Joseph through the crowds, toward the helicopter. You almost reached the helicopter until the Marshal was hit with a rock, and everyone drew their weapons. The Marshal released warning shots. Somehow, you managed to get Joseph into the helicopter, and once everyone else was in you tried to lift off but not without some Peggies holding on to you. The Marshal shot one down after take-off, and you pushed another one off of you just so see others still hanging and climbing on the helicopter. And then…you couldn't believe it. One of them jumped into the rotor blades, causing you to crash.

…

Everything was a blur, everything was aching. You reached consciousness quickly and realized you were hanging up side down, barely hearing Nancy through the radio. Everyone else was either missing or still unconscious, so you tried to grab the headphones to call for help. Just as you could get a hold of it Joseph grabbed your wrist and leaned back into the helicopter staring at you, silently singing 'Amazing Grace'. Your heart just stopped there, shock took over you and all you could do was stare back at him.

''I told you that God wouldn't let you take me,'' Joseph said to you. Then he reached for the headphones and told Nancy, ''Everything is just fine here. No need to call anyone.''

 _''Yes, Father. Praise be to you.''_ Nancy replied. You couldn't believe it. You couldn't think.

''No one is coming to safe you.'' And with that, Joseph climbed out again, approaching some Peggies who had just arrived at the scene.

Deputy Hudson next to you started to gain consciousness again and with her, the Marshal. Disoriented, you all stared around, but when Joseph yelled out ' _BEGIN THE REAPING_ ' everything became hectic again with one simple instinct reaching your brains. **Escape**. The Marshal made it out first, while Deputy Hudson was taken by the Peggies. They tried to reach you as well but luckily for you flames broke out, and they had to fall back. You barely made it out in time before they could take you too, and all you did was run.

You couldn't hear them anymore, because either you outran them or both your heart and breathing were to loud for you to hear anything else. But either way, you couldn't run anymore. You had to stop. Kneeling at a tree, you tried to catch your breath and calm down, your thoughts stumbling. _Focus, Emily! Focus._ What could you do? You were somewhere in the middle of nowhere, chased by savage cultists, Peggies, with no one else knowing where you were, or coming to help you. You were alone in this mess.

 _The Marshal!_ You had to find him. He couldn't be too far away. So after you collected your thoughts and realized that, _of course_ , your gun was somehow missing, you set off in what you hoped was the right direction.


	2. Chapter 2

_New proofread version! Enjoy, story is still the same_

* * *

 **CHAPTER 2**

 ** _Emily_**

Not that far away, you reached a small lodge guarded by only one Peggie. This was perfect. You could sneak up on him, knock him down and grab anything useful. And at this point, almost everything was useful. So as quietly as possible, you went around the lodge to position yourself behind the Peggie. You weren't the best silent assassin and definitely not a ninja, but this half-wit Peggie appeared to be almost deaf which made it easy for you to knock him out from behind with a big rock you had picked up. Feeling kind of bad for him, you checked his pulse and breathing just to make sure you hadn't done too much damage.

Luckily he had a gun on him, which you took before checking inside the lodge. You couldn't have been more lucky with what you found: a compass, ammunition, a small medkit, a backpack to stuff it all in and an energy bar which you instantly swallowed.

The radio alerted you. _''Hello…? Anyone hearing me? Hello? It's Burke… Hello?''_ The Marshal almost gave you a heart attack, but you were truly happy to hear his voice. This meant he was okay and that you could regroup.

He continued, _''I think I lost them…I see a…a trailer nearby. It's next to a long bridge…I'm gonna try and get inside…If anyone's still out there…Listen, if anyone's still alive…''_

 _Fuck._ The signal was too weak. Instantly, you remembered passing a long bridge. Maybe that's the bridge the Marshal was talking about. You had to check it out.

 ** _John_**

He was almost glad that they had arrested his brother, but he would have never voiced it. Especially to his other siblings. _Siblings. Pffh._ Faith wasn't even his real sister. They didn't grow up together, but unfortunately, _well...fortunately for her_ , she didn't know what it was like to be a part of the Seed Family…not really. She was just some junkie his brother found and kept for…he didn't even know why Joseph kept her around. Because of the Bliss? And Jacob was his exact opposite. Jacob was all about body strength, while he himself was more interested in the strength of will. Apparently, each member of his family was blessed differently. His parents with death, something he couldn't be more happy, but again, he would never talk about that to anyone. John had accepted his submissiveness to Joseph, like his other siblings. Joseph was the Father. He lead them, and John had to follow him.

But unsurprisingly, Joseph returned. ''God did not let them take me.'' He declared once again.

''Everything I have told you has come true…''

Joseph was seemingly unharmed from the helicopter crash, and three others were captured. The Marshal and that young Deputy were on the run, but not for long. They controlled the area of Hope County. The Whitetail Mountains region belonged to Jacob, who was also head of security for the whole cult. The Henbane River region belonged to Faith, and the Holland Valley region was his territory. Of course all together, the whole area was therefore controlled by Joseph, who couldn't be bothered with the prisoners and divided them between his other siblings.

At least John got the female Deputy Hudson. Not that he had taken any interest in her, but he enjoyed the company of females more. The Deputy was not to be cleansed until he got to Her, the young Deputy. He knew her, he just couldn't remember how.

''Father, could I have a word with you before we depart?'' John addressed his brother Joseph. He was to be called Father in front of his followers.

''Of course, John. Can I help you with something?'' Joseph looked him deeply in the eyes. John instantly understood that he did not care about him. He just wanted this conversation to be over quickly, but he would never dismiss his brother in front of so many followers. So John spoke up

''Once the others are captured, I would like the young Deputy to be brought to me, unharmed…I would like to cleanse her,'' He added since he knew his brother was all about the Project.

''Sure, they should be in your area anyway, but I will let Jacob and Faith know.'' And with that Joseph left.

 ** _Emily_**

''C'mon, Rook. We're going!'' Burke yelled. ''Get in, Rook! Leave 'em,'' And with that you drove off.

The trailer was attacked by Peggies shortly after you joined the Marshal. You guessed that the Seed family was not far behind either, even though you couldn't imagine them engaging in this kind of fight...well, Jacob maybe.

''You okay?'' The Marshal seemed to be talkative in stressful situations, unlike you. ''Nice work back there. I'd be dead if it weren't for you.''

You didn't know what to say, so you simply nodded and focused on you surroundings. Peggies could be anywhere, and they sure did not care if they survived or not. Most of them were just savage, you had no other way of describing it.

Luckily, neither the Marshal nor you were hurt badly. You only got winged once, the Marshal apparently twice from what you saw. Besides that, just cuts and bruises, most from the helicopter crash.

''We gotta get back…but we gotta be smart. We don't know who we can trust…Fucking Nancy…'' Yeah…she was your only connection to the station, and she clearly betrayed all of you. ''Oh no… Oh no…'' A flare gun was shot ahead of you. ''They got the roads blocked! Hold on!'' And with that, you ran through the blockade. You tried to shoot a few of them, well, actually you shot at them. You weren't too keen on the killing part of this job, but well. This right now was not the job. _Fuck_.

''We gotta get of the main road. BEHIND US!'' The Marshal yelled at you. He was right. It was on you to get them off your backs, so you aimed for the tires and got rid of one car before you crashed back into the seat. He drove above some rocks past some house, and it all went by so fast. ''Rook! There's a case of dynamite in the back of the truck! Use it!'' He yelled at you, once you reached some rail tracks. _Fuck! Seriously!_ He really expected you to blow them up. There were five trucks behind you now, so you took the dynamite and hoped that it would only damage them and slow them down, not kill them…And thankfully, it worked. Well you didn't know about the not killing part. but you already lost three of them.

''FUCK! Gotta lose 'em…'' The Marshal tried to keep the truck as steady as possible for you. So you threw more dynamite. And another truck stopped.

''Fuck, is that a plane?! Don't you tell me they have fucking air support.'' They did… You had to lead back into the car since the pilots aim wasn't half bad. ''Oh shit shit shit!''

''Fuck!'' You finally joined the Marshal in cursing. This really started to look bad, and you were headed for a bridge. But before you could stop the Marshal and tell him that this was a bad idea since you could not dodge anything and were stuck, he had already reached the bridge.

''Oh no… Oh no no no no! Rook! Jesus Christ! Incoming!'' You didn't even saw it coming. You only heard the explosion, saw the bright light burning up before you and felt…like you were in the most horrible rollercoaster ever built. Then you crashed into the water.

 ** _John_**

He was seething with rage. Surely this must have been Jacob's brilliant idea to blow up the bridge. How he ached to give Jacob a bit of his mind, but he knew it wouldn't make any difference and would only lead to him being questioned about his loyalty.

''Drive to the shore!'' He hoped she was still alive. Something inside him yearned for her, and he wanted to know what and why. With his eyes on the water the whole time, he could make out one figure rising from the water, trying to reach land and probably safety but being knocked down immediately. His Peggies already arrived at the crashing point, and he joined them.

''There were two in the truck! In the trees! Look at the trees! Check the Shoreline!'' John yelled while getting out of the car.

''No! Get off me! I am a United Stated Federal Marshal!''

''This one needs a little Faith…'' John heard someone saying, but his focus was in the water. There she was. But she didn't fight as much as the Marshal, in fact he lost sight of her in the water again. ''Find the other one! Keep searching!'' He cursed, searching the surface desperately. He saw her again on shore, while a shadow carried her away. He was calmer, now that he knew she was alive.

 ** _Emily_**

You slipped in and out on consciousness. Light, crash, black…water…black...out of the truck, still in the water…black…air! Black…water, shore…

''There were two in the truck! In the trees! Look at the trees! Check the Shoreline!''

''No! Get off me! I am a United Stated Federal Marshal!''

''This one needs a little Faith…''

A stranger…

''Find the other one! Keep searching!''

Lifting you…

Black.

You had a splitting headache and your lungs felt like they were crumbled, but you were alive!

 _Ouch… fuck._ You finally opened your eyes, just to find yourself tied to a bed with cable tie.

 _''I am your Father. You are my Children. And together, we will march to-''_ The radio was turned off by the stranger who carried you away from the shore. He did not seem happy.

''You know what that shit means? It means the roads have all been closed. It means the phone lines have been cut.'' He sat down on a chair placed in front of you. ''It means there's no signals getting in or out of this valley. But mostly, it means we're all fucked.'' He sighed and shook his head, but you didn't understand. Whatever it was must have been bad, because all he had told you so far really meant you were fucked. He must have seen your confusion, because he continued.

''The goddamn 'Collapse'… They all think the world's coming to an end now. They've been waiting for it, for years. Waiting for somebody to come along and fulfill their prophecy and kick off their goddamn holy war.'' _Wait, what?_ It sounded like he blamed her for all of it. ''Well, you sure as shit kicked…'' That must mean you killed most of them while you were trying to escape… _Shit. '_ 'The smartest thing for me to do would just be to hand you over.'' _No way!_ Somehow you didn't think he would since he sighed. ''Fuck…'' Yeah, you knew that feeling. _Fuck._

He knocked the chair over while standing up. You were uncertain what he would do as he pulled out a knife. Too much crazy shit had happened today, not all unexpected but still crazy. You were thinking about kicking him, but you realized in time that his focus was on the cable tie. Finally he cut you free, and you let go of a breath you didn't realize you were holding.

''Get out of that uniform-we need to burn it. There's some fresh clothes there. When you get changed, you come and see me. We'll see if we can un-fuck this situation.'' He did not seem too happy with his decision. Well to be fair, he didn't seem happy at all, and who could blame him? You simply thanked whatever lucky star you were apparently born under.


	3. Chapter 3

_This is the proofread version, the next chapters will also be corrected :) Again,_ chodofaggins _you make me so happy! Thanks for the support!_

* * *

 **Chapter 3**

 ** _Emily_**

You smelled horrendously by now and were actually quite happy to ditch your uniform and change into fresh clothes. Okay, fresh seemed to be an overstatement, most of them were used and dirty but still, it felt good to change. You picked the only fitting clothes: a pair of washed-out dirty blue jeans, a tank top, and a red flannel shirt to keep you warm. You thought about getting a jacket as well, but you could pick that up later before you'd leave this-you guessed from the looks and privacy of it-underground bunker. Since you weren't sure if you could take a shower here or comb your hair either-you didn't think this stranger had a comb or so since he was bald-you improvised a messy bun-ish like hairstyle, if one could consider it that. But your looks weren't really your problem at that point.

You heard the stranger who saved you talking in a room somewhere across the hall, but you were too nosy to just simply approach him. Instead, you started looking around his place.

It was simple but stacked with lots of useful and more than necessary things. Apparently he was a prepper, and by the look of it a damn good one, too. He had set this place up quite nicely. He had put you in, you guessed, his bedroom, and across from it was a little infirmary with two beds and enough equipment to treat even bigger wounds. Next to his bedroom was…a guestroom? There were two bunk beds in it. You guessed this room was intended for Robbie, Anne, and Ricky, based on the letter you just read. Robbie was his son, Anne must have been Robbies wife, and Ricky their son. You hoped that they never visited, because if they had… Nothing here indicated someone else was currently living with this man. You shook your head not wanting to think about it any more. It was none of your business.

The next room was locked. _Woah…Damnit._ It was stocked with guns, rifles… He really was prepared for everything. You hoped that he would give you a gun before you had to leave. Having snooped around this part of the hallway, you entered the ongoing hallway turning right. There were shelves filled with food, and at the end of it must have been the exit. But the room facing you caught your attention, not only because this stranger was inside but because of all the maps and information it contained.

He had a huge map of Hope County, with notes attached to it, and a board to your left. You would have called it the P.E.G. board since each all four members of the cult plus their background information was attached to it. You had to briefly read through some notes…

 _'JOHN SEED - THE BAPTIST_

 _Youngest of the Seed brothers and maybe the most sadistic.'_ Oh great. ' _In charge of recruiting for the cult - MARKING, CLEANSING, CONFESSION, ATONEMENT… those are the four steps he puts everyone through to become a member of Eden's Gate - if they survive. John tells everyone to accept ''THE POWER OF YES'' as a way to get his followers to do whatever the fuck he wants. Grade A psychopath.'_

Well, you would keep that in mind.

 _'JACOB SEED - THE SOLDIER_

 _Oldest brother of the Seeds. In charge of TRAINING their militia up in the Whitetail Mountains._

 _Only thing he believes in is ''SACRIFICE THE WEAK.'' Seems to be running a few psychological experiments up north-all sorts of nightmare stories about people turning on one another at the drop of a hat… Has been linked to the creation of the monster wolves up north the cult calls JUDGES.'_

Monster Wolves? Seriously?!

 _'FAITH - THE SIREN_

 _Don't know how she's related-seems like she just showed up one day… She'll spin you a sob story, but Faith is a LIAR and a MANIPULATOR. She'll poison your mind with BLISS if you give her the chance. Anyone who goes wandering into the Henbane River winds up either dead or ''WALKING THE PATH'' to become one of those brain-dead ANGELS doing all the cult's hard labor.'_

So drugs too...

And finally,

 _'JOSEPH SEED - THE FATHER_

 _Leader of the Project at Eden's Gate. He believes a great ''COLLAPSE'' is coming and thinks of himself as a modern-day Noah. Thinks God speaks to him-told him to ''SAVE AS MANY SOULS AS HE CAN.'' Now that he's started ''THE REAPING,'' his followers are willing to die for him. He's had his people build three massive BUNKERS to protect themselves when his ''PROPHECY'' comes true… The guy is an absolute nutjob.'_

You could only agree, seeing as your last encounter with Joseph couldn't have been worse. He did scare you, the way he had stared at you as if he could see something inside you but not really you. A piercing stare but blank at the same time… He creeped you out big time. And he seemed so sure, of everything. Like he really believed all his crap. That would be even more dangerous.

''Ready to work?'' The stranger addressed you, so you turned to face him. ''I didn't properly introduce myself back there. Most folks call me Dutch…''

You just nodded and replied, ''Emily…''

Dutch continued. ''I been trying to piece together what's happening up top. It ain't good. Little I can gather is that your partners are alive…for now.'' _Not bad, considering…_

''Seems they've been split up…each one handed off to a different member of Joseph's 'family.' You want 'em back, I get it-I got friends that been taken, too. Problem is, there ain't no help coming. Nobody knows what's going on here, and they won't know until it's too late. There's gotta be people out there willing to fight back against this cult. We just…we need to show 'em how… We need to build us a resistance. So the first thing we're gonna do is get control of this island. Once we get some breathing room, we can figure out whats coming next.''

 _A resistance?_ You knew you had to help these people, and even if you wanted to leave this whole mess you couldn't. This island Dutch positioned himself on was the center of this cult madness. You were surrounded, and, as Dutch previously pointed out, all roads leading out of here were closed. So **if** you wanted to ditch all of them, the people living here, your partners…you still had to get through one area controlled by the cult. You had to fight your way through this madness, so why not meanwhile help others defend and protect themselves? And you wanted your partners back.

''There's a gun and map in the safe over there. Take 'em. I'll give you a call on your radio once you get your bearings.''

You picked up what he had offered you and turned to leave. ''Be careful out there-it's crawlin' with Peggies. Those fuckers are willing to die for that psychopath that's leadin' em.''

And with that you headed out.

 ** _John_**

He was angry. They controlled almost everything in this goddamn area, but still she slipped away. Someone else had taken her. He needed to be smart about this. He knew everyone living here who hadn't joined them already was against them. And they had her. No chance she would come to him willingly after they had talked to her, that much he was sure of.

At least he knew who she was. Deputy Ronan, Nancy told him since Deputy Hudson was rather stubborn.

He once knew Deputy Ronan as Em'. She used to live in Hope County, Fall's End to be exact, but they left after her brother Thomas' death.

Thomas was his friend back in his school days. They used to stray around, discovered places and enjoyed their freedom. They were so young back then…

''We're ready.'' Everything was set up and they were ready to roll. John had a plan, to get to the young Deputy. He would show her that he could free her. From sin, all her burdens, and he wanted her to know that he would find her, that he had that power. He would broadcast a little advertisement for his cause, and sweet Deputy Hudson would play a part in it as well, to underlie it for Em.

''Let's start.''

''We are all sinners. Every one of us. You. Me. Even the Father knows deeply of sin. It's a poison that clouds our minds. What if I told you, you could be free from sin? What if I told you that everything you ever dreamed could come true? What if I told you that everything could be overcome if you embraced an idea: That freedom from sin can come from the power of just one word…" Enter Deputy Hudson. She looked desperate. This was perfect!

 _'' YES!''_ The crowd around him watching cheered for him.

''Yes I am a sinner. Yes I wish to be unburdened. Yes… I must be redeemed.'' He made sure to be very close to her. John wanted Em to see her partners hopeless face. ''If you're watching this, know that you have been selected. You will be cleansed. You will confess your sins, and you will be offered atonement. Don't worry you don't have to do anything. We'll come for you. Welcome to Eden's Gate.''

Cut.

This went exactly as planned. He wondered how long it would take to find her and how they would meet again. Maybe he was wrong, and after this she might even come to him. He still needed to find her, and he still didn't know why she was so important to him.

* * *

 _Also I just realized my 'Thanks' to everyone who reviewed and commented is now gone... That does not mean I'm not grateful.  
_ _This is my first shared story ever and I'm so happy about all the reviews and followers :) You guys are so great!_

 _Thank You so much!_


	4. Chapter 4

_Sorry it took me so long, hope you guys still enjoy this._  
 _I will continue to stick to most of Ubisoft's dialogues and text's, so if you played the game some things will be familiar._

 _Again, sorry for any mistakes I made, both_ _story wise and grammatically. You can comment on both so I can make it better ;)_

 _Appreciate it and all of you! Thank's!_

* * *

 **Chapter 4**

\- Emily's POV -

Liberating ‚Dutch's island' wasn't as difficult as you feared. Dutch first send you south were you could help a civilian fighting two Peggies. As a thanks he pointed you to a stacked bunker. And that was a helpful thanks since you needed more supplies.

Next you headed to a cult shrine, to blow it up. It was guarded by three Peggies but you took them out quietly and made sure they wouldn't be hurt by the explosion. The closer you got to the shrine the blurrier you head got… maybe that was this Bliss drug you read about on one of Dutch's notes. Not wanting to experience what a ‚blissed' mind would do to you, you kept on going. Dutch radioed you about another captured guy at the docks, he saw this on one of his cameras he had positioned all over the island.

The captured guys name was Eric, and after you rescued him he joined you. Which made liberating the Forest Research Station, Ranger Station and the rest of the island way easier. It only took you about half a days time. Of course it was only possible to rush through this with all the help you had gotten from locals who were willing to fight for their own, wanting to gain back control of their homes. Also the island wasn't too big.

You started to feel confident. Maybe it wouldn't be as a big of a fight as everyone made you believe. Maybe they just needed a little help to get started. Or, and that was you not being too lucky, maybe the cult simply didn't care about this small island within their midst and the rest of the way would still be a nightmare war…

Anyways, Dutch's last task for you on this island was to activate the antenna at the radio tower. Even tough this didn't mean you could reach anyone outside this madness it still allowed Dutch to coordinate the maters at hand with others in this region, who tried to untangle this whole cult madness.

This was the best part of your day so far. With no Peggies guarding the tower nor it being locked up you only had to climb it so you could activate it again… _Easy._ Only two hundred ft high or so?You weren't scared of heights obviously for you being a trained parachutist. Plus this gave you the opportunity to reach others who might help you and even make this whole mess less… bloody.

Three stories and a flicked switch later you started to completely relax and enjoyed the view presented to you. You knew it was only a delusion you wanted to be true but still… the land before you and surrounding the island was so peaceful. Partly covered by thick fog, like a warm blanket under the sun. Everything was so quiet with only the wind breezing around you. Warm, bright, clean air…

~ „Hey Deputy! I'm getting a strong signal now… Let's open up your map - - I'll walk you through what I'm hearing" ~

 _Well, thanks for that short peaceful, quiet moment…_

Dutch explained the map to you, not that you didn't know Hope County or knew which Seed controlled which area, but he also explained to you how to tap into distress signals. That was actually quite useful. Those people wanted to liberate themselves from the cult which would eventually make your way through easier and offered you safe places to stay and regroup.

You tuned in into different distress calls hoping you might hear anything from your partners. But no luck there. But something else caught your attention. Fall's End. You grew up there.

~ „Fall's End has fallen to the Peggies. If you can hear me and you can help, we really need you! Mary May out." ~

~ „Fog should be clearing soon, which means we can get you off this island. Sit tight, shouldn't be much longer." ~

Dutch was real eager to get you going. He was impressed at how fast and unproblematic you had liberated this island. You and all the radio signals he had caught up on so far had given him hope again. You could tell by how much he had cheered up and his chattiness.

~ „Oh shit…Deputy, I'm pickin' up something new outta Holland Valley. It's a broadcast from John… You need to see this." ~

~ „We are all sinners. Every one of us. You. Me. Even the Father knows deeply of sin. It's a poison that clouds our minds. What if I told you, you could be free from sin? What if I told you that everything you ever dreamed could come true? What if I told you that everything could be overcome if you embraced an idea: That freedom from sin can come from the power of just one word… Yes I am a sinner. Yes I wish to be unburdened. Yes… I must be you're watching this, know that you have been selected. You will be cleansed. You will confess your sins, and you will be offered atonement. Don't worry you don't have to do anything. We'll come for you. Welcome to Eden's Gate." ~

 _Fuck…_

~ „Fuck. John Seed's got your partner Hudson. She's in a world of shit, Kid. You gotta get goin'.

I marked three locations on your map to get you started: The Lumber Mill up north, the Hope County Jail to the east, and the town of Fall's End to the west…" ~

You already knew where to start. Fall's End.

\- John's POV -

He wasn't going to sit around and wait for her to be found, he needed to stay busy or otherwise he might hunt her down himself and that would rise unnecessary attention. He didn't want his brother to know how valuable she was to him. Mostly because he didn't know why but he also didn't like Joseph to know too much about him.

Most of Holland Valley was under his control, he had just invaded Fall's End, which was kind of a key point of this area since Pastor Jerome and Mary May were popular people against their cause. He hadn't caught them yet but it was only a matter of time. Most of Pastor Jeromes church members had followed Joseph willingly or been cleansed by John. But still… John needed to gain more control.

First they had started buying up every farm in the area, the radio station and even controlled the police by now and his career as a lawyer had really helped. John usually found the right words to persuade people and he also knew how to bend the law. They had started everything completely legal, that much he had made sure of at first. After they had control over the police they were able to act more freely. That's when he had started to become more aggressive in his approach. If people wouldn't join them willingly, he would make them, by getting to the once closest to them. Letting them convince the stubbornly resistant. And if that didn't work he'd mark them. He would take everything from them and if they kept resisting, even their lives. Not everyone could be redeemed.

Yesterday and today had been quite busy for John, with him conquering Fall's End. Therefore Rae Rae's Pumpkin Farm was John's last stop for today. He had already talked to her before but she had refused to sell her land and by now he wasn't trying to be persuasive any more. She was utterly confused to see him and his men again but he only told her that she had been marked now and that her son Ryan would be taken into the Project and her dog Boomer brought to Jacob. Her dog sure seemed like a fighter, John could tell. This dog showed real loyalty and he wanted it alive.

He knew that once he'd left she would go back inside and call for help, that's why he positioned his men around the house and pinned a instruction note a the dog cage.

‚This dog's a champion. Send it to our stronghold across the street and have it shipped North. We'll let my brother decide how strong it really is. - John'

John left and Rae Rae hadn't changed her mind. Therefore Rae Rae only had two outcomes left. To let his men take everything from her or die resisting. Joseph wouldn't have approved with his drastic reaction but John wasn't as believing and trusting as his brother. Besides, this was his area of control, Joseph had trusted him with these people and this was his approach for now. And his men followed his orders. That is until Joseph would show up but still…

On his way back to the Seed Ranch he caught himself looking back at a time where things were different. Where once he'd only been a child without a cause, not knowing of the responsibility awaiting him. Back to a time he had been… genuine. But filled with angst… A feeling he hadn't known in over 15 years.

This wasn't him anymore. He needed to contain these flashbacks. He needed to be in control.

\- Emily's POV -

Luckily for you Dutch had organized a small motor boat with which you could cross the river. As you reached the shore you saw two Peggies about to drown a man so you sneaked up on them as best as you could and knocked them out with Eric's help. The poor man was raddled and Eric cut through the ropes chaining him. Just as you checked the area for more Peggies you were thrown to the ground by a raging one. He'd managed to hit you on the head and you felt the skin over your right eyebrow breaking open. You had to get him off but struggled since your mind was blurred from the hit. But then with a loud crash he collapsed. You rolled him off of you and saw the guy you had just saved with a bloody rock in his hands. He had returned the favor.

Both Eric and you had been caught by surprise and remained shocked once you realized the guy had been blinded. You must have been really lucky he hadn't missed your attacker or he had bat senses. Either way you wouldn't complain. „Thanks." You told him and he replied that he'd help anyone fighting against these lunatic cultists. Joseph himself had blinded him, somehow intending this would make him join. „What a mad man." He said.

And then he told you that dog's were captured and sent up north. He had tried to call a woman named Rae Rae but she wouldn't pick up, that had him worried since she loved her dog Boomer like her own kid. So you promised to go by and check if everything was okay. It wasn't that far away and maybe Eric and you could stay the night there.

The moon was rising and the dusk was approaching so you had to hurry over to Rae Rae's pumpkin farm. You didn't want to defend it by night nor sleep outdoors. You knew there were numerous wild animals out there. What you feared most were the snakes… you hated snakes.

Several gunshots made you stop abruptly. You looked at Eric with wide eyes and worried you sprinted towards the farm. It was surrounded by Peggies. No way you could take them out all at once, therefore you had to scout the farm first before going in. Fortunately Eric and you were able to split up and each knock out two guys before the rest of them realized what was going on. With only three Peggies left you won the gunfight. Eric was a pretty good shot and both of you were unharmed.

Boomer had stoped barking by now, maybe because the Peggies were gone or because he had been released. They had him caged and set up for transport. Stuck to the cage was a note from John. „Damnit… we got here to late." Eric declared and you turned to join him and Boomer. You saw what must have been Rae Rae reaching for a young man… probably her son, both dead. It was heartbreaking to watch Boomer mourning over their dead bodies.

You slowly kneeled next to Boomer to pet him in solidarity, paying your last respects to Rae Rae and her son. With a last nudge Boomer turned away from the bodies and looked at you. Something told you that right now his allegiance had switched on to you and you embraced him in a hug, trying to show him that you would take care of him.

As messed up as it felt, Eric and you still needed a place to stay the night but instead of sleeping in the farm you choose the farms bunker Eric had found in the backyard. It seemed less invading and would be safer since Peggies were still all over this place.

For now all you could do was rest and rally your strength for the next day.


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5**

 ** _Emily_**

You had slept unexpectedly good, probably because you had been so exhausted. And who could blame you? Not only had you survived a helicopter AND a car crash but also liberated a whole island-o _kay a tiny one, but still-_ and a farm in less than two days. No one would believe this.

Quietly, Eric, Boomer and you left the bunker and went back inside Rae Rae's home after ensuring no Peggies were close by. You prepared something to eat and restocked your bag with useful utensils for your journey.

Next up, you headed to a cult outpost at the Gardenview Packaging Facility. Liberating this outpost gained you more support from the locals which allowed Eric and you to split up. He would head up to the trailer park with a small group while others spread out to secure the area surrounding Rae Rae's Pumpkin Farm and Gardenview.

This resistance thing really started to kick off, and you checked in with Dutch to see if he and his island were still liberated and Peggie-free. Apparently so, and everything was still up and running, and he agreed with you wanting to move things along as fast as possible. It seemed he'd grown fond of you and had started calling you 'Kid'. You didn't mind since 'Deputy' wasn't such an appropriate title anymore, with you being a freedom fighter of sorts.

You headed further south to the Copperhead Rail Yard with Boomer. Two other members of the resistance had joined you since Copperhead was expected to be crowded with Peggies. They stripped the metal off of old trains to fortify their bunkers and build new cages, so you guessed there would be some working and others guarding which meant probably twice as many Peggies as usual.

And you were right. You had to be smart about this, or otherwise the casualties would be unnecessarily high. First, you scouted the rail yard and told your allies to position themselves on different high grounds, one on the rail yard's depot and the other one on a container at the end of the Yard. Boomer and you tried to sneak through the workers and guards as quietly as possible and quickly disabled the alarms. You had to knock out two guards and one working Peggie to do so. Your allies had taken out the snipers on the roof and took their guns. Now, they pointed you to a few prisoners in cages, positioned in the center of the Yard. This meant you had to hurry, or the Peggies would kill them once they realized they had been infiltrated. You tried to tell your allies but unsuccessful. In the end you hoped they would follow your lead. Therefore you stepped out of your cover and sprinted towards the prisoners, because freed they would be able to run away and hide.

This was probably not your best idea, but your allies reacted fast enough. With this hasty approach, you weren't able to just knock out your enemies, and, silently, you cursed at yourself for that. Killing people was not what you wanted to do. Unlike some of the people here. Your two allies didn't shy away from killing Peggies.

In the end, you had liberated the rail yard but lost one prisoner. The others were still bewildered and rambled about 'the Power of Yes' in disbelief. But you could understand them. How could John think that imprisoning people and taking everything from them would make them join him? With his actions, he only fueled the resistance. He angered people, and nothing was more dangerous than furious people who had nothing left to lose.

It was noon already, and you had to hurry if you wanted to reach Fall's End by the end of the day. You hadn't planned to liberate that many places and people along the way, but you couldn't just move along… These people needed your help.

But Fall's End was important. It seemed to be one of the most important places for the resistance.

Again, you had split up with your allies, and Boomer and you went on alone, intending to reach Fall's End faster this way.

You had to go past the Strickland Farm and saw a cult Silo. They stored their Bliss shit in there… Somewhat literally. It wasn't guarded, so you figured you could quickly blow it up. You placed a self-made explosive device at the Silo and ran away before it would detonate.

Your radio came on, and Dutch told you that John had sent a Convoy to punish the resistance. Apparently, you had been too successful… And with that, the Silo combusted into pieces. _Yay! One more win for the resistance._ You thought as you stood back up. The blast had knocked you over, and you knew it would definitely attract their attention. You asked Dutch to tell the others of the resistance to stay put. You didn't know if they were strong enough for an ambush yet, and you didn't want to risk it.

Dutch must have hacked into their communication system, since he asked you if that was you, and told you two were headed your way and another one was sent to the rail yard. This was good. They could deal with that. And Boomer and you just had to figure something out. You could booby-trap all three roads leading to you, seeing as how you had enough explosives on you.

But you wouldn't stick around to watch. No way you would win that fight. You had to hurry.

 ** _John_**

New's had reached him that several places had been attacked. It had started last night. Emily must have reached Rae Rae shortly after he had left. That had saddened him. He had been so close to her. And yet he had missed her, again. The men he had sent back to the farm searched for her, couldn't find her, so he had decided to let the night pass and would wait for her to reappear. He knew she would.

He hadn't expected her to do so much damage. But when he heard how far she had gotten and how much the resistance had grown, inspired by her actions, anger flared up inside him. This needed to stop now. He couldn't let her get away with it, and he would go after the resistance as well. Three convoys should be enough for the resistance. He needed his other men for her.

She had to be marked and brought to him.

The last place she had been sighted was somewhere between the Strickland Farm and Sunrise Farm near Redler Creek. His airmen tried to keep eyes on her but could only tell her close location, since they lost sight of her every now and then. But with him being in control of all radio stations in the area, it didn't really matter. He would send out a message. He knew she had to listen since he would broadcast it on all channels. And he knew she had a radio on her, with someone communicating with her, briefing her on what was happening around her. So he was sure she would hear this.

''Sin is pervasive. It drives us to do unspeakable acts. I know the feelings that drive you. I know them…intimately. But I can help you, Deputy. I can wash away these sins. I can Cleanse your soul. It will be difficult, and it will be painful, but…it will be worth it. My people will come for you. They will bring you to me. Don't fight it. Because the harder you resist, well…the harder we'll have to scrub your soul.''

 ** _Emily_**

 _''Holy shit, kid. You've pissed in John's cornflakes. He's going to be throwing all he's got after you. Keep your head on a swivel. Dutch out.''_

 _No shit Sherlock._ This was bad, and you knew it. But even this messed up situation had a silver lining. It meant they wouldn't kill you. _Yay! That's a win, right?_

You had almost reached Redlers Creek as you heard them.

''It's Deputy hunting season.''

''Capture! Not kill!''

''Hit her with the bliss bullets.''

 _Fuck… Okay think. Fast!_ Your head was blank. There weren't many options. Sure, they wouldn't kill you, but once that bliss bullet would hit you, you bet you were pretty much a goner.

''Check your fire-we only need to hit her once.'' _Great._

You looked at Boomer who started growling dangerously. Apparently he was willing to fight all of them. But he didn't know about those bliss bullets, and you didn't want him to be captured again. That much you owed him. So you kneeled down next to him and tried to explain to him as best as you could that he had to leave you. ''Head to Fall's End, buddy. They need you.'' You must've been mad, but you could swear something in his eyes had changed. He had stopped growling, so maybe he really did understand you. ''You can't help me here, trust me. I will come back. I promise.'' You nudged his head with yours lightly. ''Go. Be safe.'' With that, you peeked around you to make out where most Peggies were. Then, you ran off and with a heavy heart felt Boomer leaving your side. You prayed that he went to Fall's End and would make it.

 _Ugh… shit._ A bliss bullet just hit you. _Great. Fight it, c'mon!_ But you felt the Bliss taking over. It felt…sort of soft. As if all your sorrows were gone, but you knew you were in trouble…but why?

''You can try runnin'.'' Peggies… _Fuck, run you moron!_ You had to fight each step further. They were dangerously close, but you felt like underwater, or like flying? _So glittery…_ You had almost no control left, when you felt a hand on you shoulder and without thinking you punched whoever tried to hold you across the face.

And then everything was white.

You were lost.

 ** _John_**

They had caught her. He couldn't believe it yet. Not more than an hour after he had marked her, his people had caught her. And he was on his way to her.

He needed to be alone with her before he had to start the Cleansing. He'd bet Joseph would join them for the Cleansing, and he needed some time with her, without Joseph. He didn't need his brother to know just how valuable she was to him. He didn't even know why he longed for her.

He joined her in the van half way to his usual Cleansing spot. She was peacefully asleep on the floor, and he stared at her for quite a while. Then, without knowing that he did, he knelt down beside her. Fondly, he touched her. And with that he knew. She would decide everything for him.

He would do everything within his power to convince her to join him, but he knew she had the means to be his downfall… One way or another. She would be crucial for his fate.

As the van came to a halt, he flinched away from her. Anger boiled up inside him again. He couldn't…no, he wouldn't let her be in control of him. He had to cleans her or get rid of her…fast. She was to dangerous for him. Somehow, she made him weak. She made him question the Project, and with that, Joseph as well… He couldn't let him know. And with panic rising in him, he stepped out of the van.

They had a few sinners gathered for cleansing, and, as he had guessed before, Joseph already awaited him.

He had to regain his composure fast.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

 ** _John_**

The baptism had begun, and a few sinners had already be cleansed and joined Joseph while John continued his speech.

''We must wash away our past. We must expose our sins. We must atone… For only then may we stand in the light of God and walk through his Gate unto Eden.''

They were about to bring Emily forward, but he stoped them. ''Not this one. This one's not clean.'' In confusion about her part in all this, he angrily grabbed her and pushed her down under the water again. He saw her desperate and confused gaze once he pulled her back up again. She was weakened by the bliss in the water.

''Aaaahh… Shhh.'' He laughed at her dizziness. He enjoyed the power he had over her. She was at his mercy now. He was about to dove her under again when Joseph interrupted him.

''Do you mock the Cleansing, John?'' Shame washed over him.

''No, Joseph…" He started to disagree.

''Shhhh…'' John knew he wasn't allowed to speak. ''You have to love them, John. Do not let your sin prevent that.'' Joseph told him. ''Bring that one to me.'' He said pointing at Emily. Every inch of John's body wanted to reject, but he had to allow it. Otherwise, he would only make it worse. He could tell Joseph knew she was special to him. And that wasn't good.

 ** _Emily_**

You were still high on the bliss when they brought you closer to Joseph. Your mind still rebelled against it, but you couldn't control your body yet. He grabbed you closely.

''Despite all that you have done, you are not beyond salvation. You're not here by accident or by chance. You are here by the grace of God.'' _What a nut job…_ You had a hard time focusing.

''You've been given a gift. Now it remains to be seen whether you choose to embrace it…or cast it aside.''

Then, he let go of you and turned to John, who stood beside you. You couldn't read his face as he tried to shirk from their looks. What was up with him? All this time you had never seen him like this. He looked vulnerable, and you wanted to reach out to him. _No! What?_ You obviously weren't thinking clear.

„This one shall reach the Atonement. Or the Gates of Eden shall be shut to you John." Joseph stated and you knew this meant real trouble. „Yes, Joseph." And with that Joseph left you.

John gazed after Joseph, before his attention turned back to you. What you then saw in his eyes frightened you. ''You will confess. Every sin you've ever committed, no matter how petty, no matter how small… I will pull from you. Then we'll see if you're worthy of Atonement.'' His eyes had been blank with passive obedience but started to change again as he looked into your eyes.

With a nod, he gestured for you to be taken away.

This was was bad… You had to try and escape. They put you in a car, and John took the seat before you. Your head was still dizzy from the Bliss, and you had to focus all your energy in order to get free of the rope tying your hands together. The Peggie beside you realized what you were up to, but you quickly elbowed her in the face. You couldn't believe your reflexes had kicked in but knew immediately you had to jump out of the car now, or it would be to late… So that was what you did.

Your heart was beating raggedly, and you had lost all orientation… All you could do was pull your aching body back up again and start walking, because you heard the car halt and John's voice calling for you.

''Deputy…you've had your fun. But all sinners must Confess. This is the will of the Father. My men are coming for you. I'll see you soon.''

 _I'm so stupid… I should have waited._ You tripped and knew you were screwed… The Bliss was still too present in your head. You had no chance… And with that hopeless certainty, you fainted and collapsed to the ground.

 ** _John_**

She was a hell of a fighter. He had never seen anyone repress the influence of the Bliss so strongly. He was impressed, but that didn't chance what he had to do to her… Joseph gave him no choice. Not if John wanted to join him in Eden. He faltered.

But there was not time for that. He had to get his mind back in order.

She didn't go very far. He hadn't expected her to. They placed her unconscious body back in the car, and this time he sat with her in the backseat. Her head in his lap. Her hair was still damp from the baptism. He caught himself stroking a strand of her hair from her face, and he had to smirk. There was something about her…

But it didn't matter… he had to make her confess. If she wouldn't reach the Gates of Eden, neither would he. They were bound together now. And John didn't mind. He had known before. He had felt her importance and knew how decisive she was for him.

For the remaining ride, he kept his eyes closed held her hands tightly. She wouldn't get away from him again. He couldn't lose her again.

 ** _Emily_**

You woke up tied to a chair in a basement. Or another bunker? You couldn't tell, but you were underground as much was obvious. You tugged roughly at the ropes tying you to the chair, when you heard muffled sobs. Raising your eyes, you saw Deputy Hudson also tied to a chair in front of you. You tried even harder to break free, to reach her, but you couldn't even speak with her since both your mouths were covered with duct tape. Then, you heard him entering.

John was pleased and hummed to himself. Deputy Hudson started to shudder heavily. You couldn't even begin to imagine what she must have been through.

He had carried a tool box with him, and once he'd placed it on a workbench he had stopped humming and turned his focus on you.

''My parents were the first ones to teach me about the 'Power of Yes.' One night, they took me into the kitchen, and they threw me on the ground...'' You couldn't believe your eyes. He stapled what looked like a piece of tattooed skin on the workbench. ''And I experienced pain after pain after pain after pain-'' Furiously, he smacked the the stapler down on the workbench, causing Deputy Hudson to sob and shutter uncontrollably. As he regained his composure, he continued. ''And when I didn't think I could take any more, I did.''

He grabbed a…tattoo gun and walked towards you. ''Something broke free inside. I wasn't scared, I was…'' _Wait what?_ ''Clear.'' And then it dawned on you. ''I looked up at them, and I started to laugh. All I could say was… Yes.'' _That's how he will 'pull the sin from me'… literally._ The tattoo gun buzzed alive, and you shuddered. ''I spent my entire life looking for more things to say 'yes' to.''

He had turned it off again and put the tattoo gun away just to rip open your shirt. His touch was so forceful, and you tried to escape from it but without success. You were still tied to the chair and still his prisoner. _Please don't…_ You felt so helpless. ''I opened up every hole in my body, and when those were filled I created more.'' He averted his eyes from your exposed chest and looked you deeply in the eyes. ''But it was Joseph who showed me just how selfish I was being.''

 ** _John_**

He took a sponge and started cleaning her dirt-and-sweat-covered chest. It had felt so good ripping her shirt apart. And his fingers longed to get her out of her sports bra but…

''Always receiving. Always taking.'' He couldn't help but admire her. Even dirty, bound to a chair, covered in sweat and blood, she looked stunning. He had to control himself. The best gift isn't the one you get, it's the one give… He kept scrubbing her while he explained it all. Looking her deeply in the eyes with admiration, ''And giving takes courage… The courage…'' But then, he stopped and turned away.

''To own your sin. To etch it on to your flesh and carry it's burden, and when you have endured-" He needed to make her understand. ''When you have truly begin to atone-to cut it out like a cancer and display it for all to see.'' He had done all that. He knew sin, and he knew atonement. And helping others atone for their sins…that was all he was meant do. That was his purpose. What Joseph had told him to do. ''My god that's courage. I'm going to teach you courage.''

 ** _Emily_**

At the beginning, he sounded like he wanted to share something intimate with you, like he wanted you to understand how he became what he was now. But you had a hard time feeling sorry for him, especially with what he intended to do to you. And with what he had already done, to so many people…

''Teach you how to say 'yes,' so you can confront your weaknesses. Confront your sin. You will swim across an ocean of pain and emerge…free.'' Did he really believe all that? Was he this messed up? What had he been through be become so…sadistic?

''For only then can you truly begin to atone.'' Scratching you with a screwdriver-like tool, he had stopped his monologue, which had probably been hammered into his head.

''So! Who wants to go first? Hm?'' He wanted you to say 'yes.' He wanted you to allow him to torture you. _Why would I?_ You couldn't believe him. He stared at you the whole time. ''Which one? Hm?'' But you only stared blankly back at him. You wouldn't give him this satisfaction. ''This is lesson number one.'' His voice became harder with each word.

Deputy Hudson pulled you back from your stubborn staring contest with a loud and desperate scream. You had almost forgotten about her. With panic rising within you, you tried to say 'I do! Me! Not her!' But since your mouth was covered with duct tape, you couldn't verbalize it properly. But John understood immediately.

''Yes. YES!'' He was so excited that he almost jumped towards you. ''You're not gonna regret this. I promise.'' He tried to contain his joy. ''Now, before we begin, I think it's only proper that Deputy Hudson goes back to her room. Confessions are meant to be private, after all.'' He started to wheel a now crying Deputy Hudson out of the room.

''Shhh shhh shhh… I am not here to take your life. I'm here to give it to you.'' He stopped with her beside you. ''I'm going to open you and pour your worst fears inside.'' Deputy Hudson cried out even louder now. She probably knew what he meant, and, by her reaction, it wasn't going to be pleasant. John had now grabbed you again and pulled at your shackled body to fortify his words. ''And as you choke, your sins will reveal themselves. Only then will you truly understand the 'Power of Yes.''' _You wish. ''_ I'll be right back.'' With a devilish smirk upon his face, John wheeled Deputy Hudson out of the room.

And with that, you were alone. Helpless. Probably surrounded by John's goons. Trapped in his stronghold. You had no idea where you were or how you could possibly escape. But you had to try. For what ever fight you had left in you, you needed it now.


	7. Chapter 7

_Once more a big THANK YOU to_ chodofaggins _, without your help this would still be messed up by my mistakes :)_

 _ALSO! New Chapter guys :) Hope you enjoy it_

* * *

 **Chapter 7**

 ** _John_**

He wouldn't make the same mistake twice, and that's why he told one of his men, who was standing watch, to go bring Deputy Hudson back to her room. John wouldn't join them, somehow he knew Emily would keep fighting. She would try to escape again probably, even if that meant leaving her partner behind.

Funnily enough, she reminded him of Joseph. Both were so certain. Certain of their importance. With a deep knowledge that what they did was right thing. How could the truth of two people be so opposite. And why did John feel like he was caught in the middle of it.

He couldn't let anyone know about his thoughts. If Joseph knew how he felt… But with a shudder, John brushed his thoughts off and entered back into the room with Emily.

The small laughter that had escaped his mouth apparently wasn't audible enough since Emily still continued tugging at the ropes. ''Confession is the admission of one's sins.'' His voice had startled her so much that fell over in with her chair. This only added to his amusement. ''Our souls…need to confess. By looking deep within ourselves, by exposing the darkness inside us…'' He hadn't fully entered the room yet, which caused Emily to tilt her head around, trying to get sight of him. ''We free our souls from the burden of their sin. That is what I'm offering.''

John didn't want to force himself on her. He wanted her to give in. No, he wanted to help her. He didn't want to hurt her. ''So I will save you, Emily. I will help you lift that burden. I will help you confess.'' He slowly strolled up to her, still lying on the ground, bound to the chair, unable to break free. ''And I will pass no judgement on you. No matter how messy it gets.'' Once he was in front of her, he kneeled down to look her in the eyes. ''All you have to say…is 'Yes.'''

''Things could be worse, you know… Here, you just have to confess. In the east…well, let's just say too much Bliss can go to one's head.'' Thinking about a blissed mind caused a disgusted look to appear on his face. ''Faith created her 'Angels' but never did treat them all that well…'' He stood up, walking away from her again, deep in thoughts… Faith's 'Angels' really creeped him out. He never quite understood why, but he always felt like…like he knew what they were going through… He felt like a fallen angel. And that made him feel uneasy.

Emily pulled him out of his thoughts. She had somehow managed to break free from the chair, and, with a mumbled growl, she darted at him in a pathetic attempt of an attack. She was still too weak to be of any danger to him, and he swirled her around easily crashing them both against a nearby wall. Her head collided with a clunk. John pinned her against the wall with his whole body, capturing her wrist with his hands at shoulder height. She was intoxicating with all her emotions, so raw, so clear.

As he looked her in the eyes, he understood. He could see it now. ''Ah. I know your sin.'' He smiled knowingly at her with emotion filled eyes. ''It drives you. Every thought, every action.'' But what gleamed through heavily was pure passion, anger-filled passion. ''Your sin is Wrath.'' He had to laugh at that. Of course her sin was a strong one. And he knew just how to make her see the danger of it. ''So I'll indulge you: Become Wrath. Let it fill your body and consume your soul. Because in the end, you'll still be empty. And I'll be waiting right here, with you.'' Without thinking about it nor intending to, he caressed her cheek with his, in an intimate gesture. ''Bathe in your sin…so that you may see how futile your actions are.''

 ** _Emily_**

And with that, John let go of your wrists and stepped away from you. He had caught you off guard, caressing you like that and then setting you free? _Why would he do that?_ You didn't understand his intentions but did the only thing your throbbing head could focus on. You got rid of the duck tape and darted towards him. He was now kneeling on the ground, like in surrender. _What is he doing?_

Without thinking about it further, you pushed him to the ground and leaned over him, bringing a fist down on his smirking face.

''Your sin consumes you. Blinds you to all the harm you inflict.'' He looked at you knowingly and ready for whatever you had coming for him. Using the last of your strength, you punched him again. You had almost no strength left, but you had to keep going. No matter how much your body ached, no matter the throbbing pain which was all you could feel.

''It allows you to dispense of human life so…easily.'' He had you… You didn't know how, but he had gotten to you. Your fists were now only connecting with his chest, and he still endured your breakdown. ''Have you ever given so much as a second thought to killing?'' John dared to ask. ''H-have you?'' Your reply came out as a croaked out mixture of disbelieve and exhaustion. And you saw him falter. Like he knew you were right, and he looked almost ashamed but didn't respond to you.

Tears had been rolling down your cheeks the whole time, since all of this was all too much for both your mind and body to handle. John irritated you deeply. First, he was so sure of himself and his 'task' but apparently not anymore. His eyes grew softer over time and by now were filled with sorrow. He seemed so vulnerable. You head was killing you. And, as you collapsed on him, John carefully caught you in a warm embrace. You were so confused. How could he be so tender and cruel to you? Which was his true self? Was Joseph too deep within John's head, or was John creeping in to yours.

 ** _John_**

Peace? Love? Was that it? He couldn't label what he felt, and his heart couldn't decide either. It was racing in excitement and…lust? It pounded so heavily, as if it struggled not to burst into pieces. He couldn't remember ever having felt that way. And he didn't know if he liked it or not, but he sure as hell wouldn't let go of Emily. All he could do was hold her tight in a soft embrace.

And it dawned upon him. Again.

''Stay with me,'' He whispered faintly. ''Please.'' He was scared for what she would reply. He knew she wouldn't join them, but that wasn't his intention here. Not anymore. He **needed** her. And he would do everything in his power to keep her. ''Not Joseph, not the cult. Just…me.''

Cautiously, he turned them around, so he was now laying on top of her. He needed to see her face. He was so anxious. He could tell there was something between them, the chemistry and passion was undeniable. But he was afraid that he might have already pushed her too far away. His sadistic ways, how he treated others, his religious madness… He felt like for the first time he could see clearly. She had seen him as a monster, and he understood that now. How much he had done wrong, and he wanted her to see something good in him. Something worth loving.

But John could clearly see the confusion in her eyes, and he couldn't blame her. This was all really messed up, and even he was able to see that. He was also confused. Joseph had showed him a righteous path, or so he thought. He wasn't so certain anymore. He was bound to Emily; they shared the same impulses and were undeniably attracted to each other. But they couldn't have been more opposite at the same time. Good and evil, pure and tainted. Loved and hated…

He felt utterly ashamed. His whole life, he'd been convinced that his family was right. That Joseph had given him purpose, that he was meant to be this… what was he? He was lost. And a traitor. All alone. Emily would never choose him, believe him or see anything good within him. And if Joseph knew how unstable he was, in his loyalty, in his believe… That he might have even lost his Faith… That would be the end of him.

He could feel himself tearing up, overwhelmed by emotions. Struggling with himself. But he wouldn't let Emily see. And he wouldn't let her get caught up in his mess. He knew what he had to do. But first he would say his goodbyes. So he kissed her. How he had longed to do that. Ever since he first saw her in the chapel. He could swear she kissed him back, but it didn't matter anymore. He had made his mind up. So he pulled away from her and knocked her out.

A tear was now fighting it's way down his cheek as he ruefully smiled at her. ''I'm sorry.''

Before he would get her away from here, he would give her a hint of what he struggled with. He knew how crazy this was, but still he had to. It was his way of dealing with shit. And since he couldn't talk to her, she would have to figure it out for herself…

He had tattooed on her enchained praying hands, and he hoped she would understand. Then, he picked her up bridal style and carried her out of the room. He would take her somewhere safe. Away from him.

 ** _Emily_**

 _Ouch… What the…?_ Your head was killing you. You kept your eyes closed due to all the pain, and you guessed you probably had a mild concussion, or that was a real vivid messed up dream. John's men had caught you and he… He was about to torture you but then…you made out? ''Ugh.''

No way.

You grew stiff immediately, as you heard steps approaching you. You still didn't knew where you were but definitely needed rest and weren't up for more insanity. ''Jeez kid, c'mon. You gotta wake up at some point.'' _Dutch?_ You opened your eyes carefully, as if that would have any influence on what you were about to see.

It really was Dutch, standing there before you. His worried eyes fixed on you. ''How..?'' You tried to start, but Dutch pulled you in a bear hug. ''Uff… Air Dutch. Need. Air!'' You struggled, as he finally released you with a relieved laugh. ''Sorry, kiddo. This is all just so fucked up. What the hell happened? Why'd John bring you here. How'd ya…'' He barraged, but you stopped him right there. ''John did what?'' You must have heard wrong. But then, Dutch told you everything.

You had arrived on his island a couple of hours ago. Brought to Dutch by John. Personally. He had perviously called him to let him know John was dropping you off here and that Dutch should take care of you. And what had freaked Dutch out the most was that John really did drop you off. John himself. He had apparently carried you to Dutch personally.

''But the strangest part was him kissing you goodbye! Kid, what happened between you two? The Fuck is going on? I'm losin' my mind here.''

You felt like fainting. So it wasn't a dream, it all really happened. You trembled and had no answer for Dutch. You were just as lost as him. ''I'm gonna need a minute here, Dutch. Sorry.''

As you tried to get up, you felt a sharp pain on the front of your upper thigh. It was a unknown kind of pain, so you decided to take a look. As you pulled your jeans down a bit, you saw a newly inked tattoo. ''Let's make that an hour…'' You stared at it in disbelief, as you sat back down again. Obviously, Dutch had a million questions and you couldn't blame him for it, but you needed to clear your head first.

What did all of this mean? Why the hell did he…everything? Kiss you, tattoo you, care...? You were at a total loss which Dutch probably realized by now, since he offered you something to eat and some silence. He just sat before you waiting somewhat patiently, as you prepared yourself to tell him. You told him everything that had happened, everything you could remember.

Once you finished, Dutch seemed even more confused than you. ''Jeez, kid… I mean-fuck.''

''I know." You thought about why John tattooed you, because that seemed like maybe that could be the easiest part to solve. _Why this motive?_ It clearly must have some meaning. You had to clean it, for you to get a better look at it since it was a bit blood-stained.

* * *

 _Yeah I know ;) John is a bit messed up and his thoughts all over the place... But I think he has to process a lot here.. Poor John._


	8. Chapter 8

_Sorry it took me so long, I hope you like it :)_

* * *

 **Chapter 8**

 ** _Emily_**

You and Dutch had talked it all through, although he outright wanted to refuse to see eye to eye with you, even he had changed his former views. You just hoped you didn't misinterpret John. But with everything you had seen so far and what he had done, your intuition told you with absolute certainty that he needed help. Your help.

John had many issues, mildly put, but he wasn't as evil as everybody saw him. Okay, he sure did a lot of evil shit, but he wasn't a lost cause. What he had told you about his abusive parents, how they had treated him, forced him to submission… He only continued to do what they had done to him, and you knew it must have been Joseph who had and continued to manipulate him to do so. He only acted on how he had been tortured, how to behave.

You had seen his evil side and how Joseph brought it out in John. But on the other hand, you had also seen that within him was a different person. Someone who could care and was willing to sacrifice himself for you.

The tattoo was only the last evidence. After you had cleaned it, you could see that the chained hands could only be his, Dutch agreed with you on that one. They where covered with the same tattoos he had on his, and he had chosen the bound praying motive. That could only mean that it wasn't his choice. His way of showing you that he was still forced to submit. Not to his parents anymore, no, but to Joseph and his beliefs. He was chained to it all, unwillingly.

Dutch first argued that maybe this was all simply a trick to fool you. To make you believe in his innocence, so that you would try to help him and walk right into his trap. But why did he bring you to Dutch? Why did he bring you to safety, away from him?

Dutch had to agreed that this wasn't one of John's usual manipulation tricks. Usually, he would have kept you imprisoned, until you finally would submit to him and the cult or die resisting. Dutch made very clear you got that. He thought that maybe you didn't realize how bad this all was, but you did. You had been there.

You were both still puzzled on why you were so important to him. Maybe it was your shared connection to your dead brother, Thomas. Or maybe because you might be one of the last who knew a different version of him. His maybe true self? Or was it love? _He doesn't even know me!_ But when he had kissed you… _Fuck._ You were at a total loss about how you felt.

Those were all speculations, and you were not yet ready to push you luck. So you and Dutch agreed that you would next head to the Whitetail Mountains and help the resistance there.

Your partner, Deputy Pratt, was held by Jacob, and since Jacob was the one training the cults militia it only seemed wisely to interfere with him. That would help everyone.

And give you time to think all this mess with John through…

 ** _John_**

He was extremely anxious lately, and it was Emily's fault. It had been over two days since he dropped her off. This Dutch person had been extremely suspicious of him. Not that he blamed him, but he didn't like being treated like that. To be fair, he wasn't used to not dealing with that. Usually when he interacted with others, it was for the cult's cause, and who ever rejected him was either forced to obey or ended up dead…

That had never really been an issue for John, but once he had to decide how to continue with Emily it had simply been impossible. He had hurt her before but never life-threatening. But the last events had showed him that she would never join Joseph or his cult. Therefore, he usually would have tortured her to submission…or worse… But he couldn't continue with her.

He had hoped that it would have been enough to show her her sin… How it drove her to go through with her fight. He had asked her if she had ever given killing a second thought, because he felt that that would be a trigger point with her…

 _''Have you?''_ She asked him in return. Had he? Had he ever given all of this a second thought? Was this really what he wanted? Believed? And was it worth killing for?

Right now he couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe that God had told Joseph to let all of this happen. He couldn't believe that God's plan included for him to kill. He didn't want to believe in such a God…

He had gotten so used to do Joseph's bidding without questioning it. He would have never dared to. He was raised to conform. To his parents, to God, to Joseph… There was once a time that he had fought against it all… There was even once a time that all siblings had fought against their parents madness… That's what it was to them back then. Madness…

He felt so lost. Should he continue with all of this? Doing Joseph's bidding? Without questioning? Not that he could actually challenge Joseph. But he could try and walk away. Or secretly try and help the resistance?

For now, all he could do was pace up and down in his room at the Seed Ranch. Until he had decided how to proceed, he would stay put.

 ** _Emily_**

First thing you did once you arrived at the Whitetail Mountains was to get in touch with Jess Black, Dutch's niece, and after you found out he had family left here you wanted to help. Plus, if she was anything like Dutch, she would be of great help to you.

You met up with her near the lumber mill, since Dutch had told you that was where she had last been seen. And no doubt, she was related to Dutch. You couldn't believe how hardcore she was at first, but once you got to know her better it kind of made sense…

Her granny, like Dutch, had been a prepper and survivalist. Jess grew up with her and was trained to be a badass survivalist. After her Granny had passed, she had returned to her parents, just as this whole cult mess started. She had lost them both to the cult and was on a personal vendetta since.

Jacob was building an army, and he had many people taken. They were then categorized either weak or strong. And anyone who couldn't or wasn't willing to fight for him wound up dead. He called that 'Culling the Herd.' He also had henchmen doing his 'purging,' and Jess was fixated on one particular fucked up guy. They called him 'The Cook' who also happened to be one of Jacob's favorites.

He was known for his cruelness. Jess told you about this family he caught and kept in cages like animals. He starved and tortured them, not giving them any food or even water. He then strung the parents on posts only to later ask the kids if they were hungry, to have them beg for food. He had asked them if they wanted pig, to which they said yes, starved. Then he…he took the parents' shoes and started to play. ''This little piggy went to market…,'' and then offered the kids little pieces. And as there were no more 'piggies' left, he set the parents on fire… ''And when they finally stopped screaming, I looked around and he was just…gone. Vanished like some sort of demon in the night… Anyways, that's why they call him The Cook.''

It had all happened to Jess. The Cook had killed her parents and… She had been one of the kids. Starved and tortured. Only to be 'offered' to eat their own par… _Jeez…_ You didn't want that to be ingrained in your head… It was too messed up.

So you helped her track him down and freed some innocents. It was all too surreal. Until now you thought John was messed up, but this cult madness had brought out the worst in people.

Finally by the end of the day, you got him and killed him. Jess wasn't as relieved as she had hoped to be, and you guessed she would help the resistance and get in touch with Dutch again. She also offered you help whenever you needed it.

And with that she went off. You were left bewildered by her being and exhausted from all that happened today.

You were about to head to back to the lumber mill to get some rest for the night when your radio went off…

 _''There is someone out there…pretending to be a soldier. They are killing our brothers and sisters, and putting this Project in jeopardy. I want this coward to know that they have my attention… My hunters are coming for you. There's nowhere you can run.''_

That was Jacob…and you got a really uneasy feeling about that and hurried along as quietly as possible. But no more than three minutes later, an arrow pierced your thigh, and before you could so much as react you went down, overcome with pain.

 ** _John_**

It couldn't have played out any worse than this. Not in his wildest dreams would he have imagined her to go after Jacob… JACOB! He hadn't slept much the last days and was more than sure that he would not be able to catch any more sleep now.

He had hoped for her to return to him, try and contact him. Convince him to chance, to stop or fight him again. But not this. If he had known that she would go up north to the Whitetail Mountains, he would never have let her go. She would have been much safer with him.

This made his situation irreversible. He had to try and get her back. Now he would have to talk to Joseph… That was the only way. She was more important than him. He would sacrifice everything for her. But he needed to be clever about this.

Joseph knew him too well. But there was no time to lose. So he called him.


	9. Chapter 9

_Guys, I could not be happier about the support!_ chodofaggins, _Yes! We do make a great team!  
Thank you so much for helping me and being my beta! You are amazing!_

 _It took me a while to write those chapters but_ chodofaggins _proofread them again like super fast and makes them so much better to read!  
_

 _Please everyone, enjoy ;) I think we are moving along nicely_

* * *

 **Chapter 9**

 ** _Emily_**

You were in and out of consciousness, again. This had become a bad habit of yours apparently, but as you finally came back Deputy Pratt stood before you. He looked dirty and worn out. He tied you down to the chair you sat in.

''You shouldn't have come for me. You should have run,'' Pratt told you ruefully, and then the lights went out as an overhead projector flickered to life. He stepped hastily away from you.

''The world is weak. Soft,'' only for Jacob to step in front of the overhead.

''We have forgotten what it is to be strong. You know our heroes used to be gods. And now our heroes are godless. Weak, feeble, diseased. We let the weak dictate to the powerful, and then we are shocked to find ourselves adrift. But history knows the value of sacrifice. Of culling the herd, so that it stays strong.'' As he held his monologue, images of wolves and its prey were projected on the wall behind him. ''Over and over, the lives of many have outweighed the lives of the few. This is how we survived. And we've forgotten… And now the bill has come due.''

He faced you now, closing in. ''Now, the Collapse is upon us, and this time the lives of few outweigh the lives of many. And when a nation that's never known hunger or desperation descends into madness, we'll be ready.''

Jacob reached for a small music box, ''We will cull the herd. We will do what needs to be done.'' He brought the box to life.

'Only You' by the Platters started to play, and you could feel your brain aching… _Ugh! Aaah. What's going on?!_ Your body started to tremble, and a glittery red haze fell upon you…

 ** _John_**

''She's mine to Cleanse. Joseph, you yourself told me that if she would not reach the Atonement Eden's Gates would be shut for me too. I can't have that. I need to help her.'' John tried his best to stay as calm as possible throughout his conversation with Joseph, but he knew he was giving to much away. Joseph could tell how desperate he was, and all John could do was hope that he bought that it was about him reaching Eden. John always had trouble reading Joseph, and he actually scared him a little.

''There isn't much we can do now, John. Jacob has already started with his psychological conditioning. Maybe she can be of value to us; she is after all a great fighter. Considering how easily she escaped you, John. We can't have her running around like that. She is too big of a threat to the Project.''

''I'd like to join him then. See how it's working out. Like you pointed out, she is to be redeemed. And maybe after Jacob is done I could still Cleanse her.''

 ** _Emily_**

It was this fucking Bliss. You couldn't really remember what had happened; it all felt like a burning bloody dream. After Jacob had played that tune to you, unconsciousness had overcome you again. Next you felt like you were in flames, everything had hurt and he had talked you through a nightmare. You had to reach the end of this house while being shot at by his soldiers? You had knocked down the first two who immediately vanished into thin air. After that, you simply tried to get through as fast as possible, wanting to escape this mad illusion only to fall down a hole into unconsciousness again.

When you came back, you were back in the room that you had first met Jacob, still in a chair.

Weakly, you had tried to make sense of it all but couldn't do anything yet. You couldn't even move. You only heard Jacob again and felt your body being carried away.

''Y'know, Deputy… If it were up to me, you'd have been dead a long time ago. But Joseph has other ideas… And he wants to talk to you. So that's what you're going to do. We will bring you to him.''

 _Not again…_ It was probably the Bliss that caused you to lose consciousness so often. You had no other explanation. But at least you were almost certain that this bloody dream was exactly that…a dream.

 ** _John_**

Joseph had allowed him to go see her, but he went with. He said he wanted to talk to her again, since she seemed to be of such importance to everything. John didn't like all of this, but at least he would be able to see her. See if she'd be okay.

After they had arrived at Jacob's compound and he talked you through what he had done to her, he guided you to the courtyard where he had her captive in a cage. John's heart broke at the sight of her. Caged like an animal, covered in dirt and blood. But he had to maintain his composure. He couldn't let Joseph realize how much he cared for her.

So he tried to focus on anything else but her, but he couldn't help himself. He needed to hear what Joseph told her, so he stood close by.

''I know you are in pain. The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh, huh? But you're not the only one to be tested… Did you know that I had a wife? So beautiful, isn't she?'' He showed Emily the tattoo he had of her on his arm. She had picked herself up again and was kneeling at the cage bars. Her gaze was again filled with emotion. But John could tell she mostly tried not to look hurt even though she was.

''We were pregnant with our first child. And we were just babies ourselves really. And I was terrified. On becoming a father. Mostly about money. She wasn't worried. She had faith that things were going to work out. She always had faith…''

John remembered her vaguely. They hadn't spent too much time together, but he recalled her being religious yet also kind, unlike Joseph. He couldn't imagine that she would have been okay with all the killing Joseph did in God's name.

Joseph continued, ''And then one day, she was going to go visit a friend. There was an accident… And the Lord taketh. And they rushed me to a hospital and put me in a room with this little pink bundle stuffed with tubes and had to be strong, because my little girl was going to live. God was looking out for our daughter. And they left me in all alone in a room with her. I just…stared…at my daughter. So helpless. So innocent… And all she had in the world was me. A nobody, from nowhere, with nothing. And in that moment, I knew that God was testing me. He was laying out a path before me, and all I had to do was choose. So I put my hand on my little girl's head, and I leaned in and I could smell. And we prayed together. Prayed for wisdom. Prayed for strength… Then I knew. I heard God's plan for me. And I took my fingers and I put them on that little plastic tube taped to her angelic face and I pinched it shut. And after a little while her legs began to kick and kick…then nothing… Stillness. Release. The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh. Pain… Sacrifice… These are all part of his test, and we have to prove that we can serve God no matter what he asks.''

John couldn't believe his ears… He hadn't known…

Joseph got back up and turned to Jacob, ''You've done well.'' Then they went back into the house. John stopped frozen from shock and stared at Emily. She hadn't seen him yet, and he guessed that she couldn't either. He could tell she was still drugged with Bliss.

Jacob approached her again, but he couldn't see what he was doing. He could only hear 'Only You' playing and saw Emily writhe in pain and shockingly saw how she went blank. She was lost to him, and Jacob had full control over her now.

John had to get her out of Jacob's hands as fast as possible without attracting to much attention. And then he saw him. Her partner. John quickly and quietly grabbed him and told him to help her break free. John left a bewildered Pratt behind, and he couldn't risk speaking any more with him. So he went back inside too, to join Joseph.

 ** _Emily_**

''What a mess. Wheaty, check those chairs.''

''Jesus the smell…''

''Been stewin' in their own filth for days. Walker, get some windows open. Someone shut that music off!''

You hadn't been fully conscious yet, but you could hear them…

''Christ… it's Sully. When did they get him? Why are we even bothering with this? They're all dead.'' _No!_ You tried to speak or move, but you were still too weak, too drugged. All you could do was open your eyes and hope.

''Check 'em anyways.'' _Yes!_ ''Why am I always stuck on corpse duty-'' Finally, that guy had turned to check on you.

He had picked you up but instantly dropped you again as he saw your eyes moving. ''HOLY SHIT! Oh fuck,'' he blurted out.

''What?'' The other one had also turned to you to check for himself as you started to gasp for air. ''Live one! Walker! Go get the truck!''

''Oh my god, I'm so sorry…'' Wheaty told you, you guessed, because he had dropped you and would have left you here for dead.

''Gimme a hand, kid.'' They both picked you back up again, and you found yourself still tied to a chair… You had dreamt the same bloody crap again and again…

''Eli… Is this…?'' Wheaty asked the older man.

''Yep,'' was as all Eli replied.

''What the fuck is the deputy doing here?''

''Jacob took a shine to her, same as us.'' They had started to cut you free. ''You're gonna be okay, Hero. Whitetails' gotcha now.'' Eli reassured you as they helped you out of the chair.

You were still too weak to walk, and they had to help you get out of the room… You already felt your mind drifting away again, but you couldn't tell them. ''We're bringing her back to the Wolf's Den?'' Wheaty sounded unsure. _Wolf's Den? Where the hell…_

''Where else?'' Was all Eli stated, as if it was the most logical option.

''Tammy is not going to like this…'' Wheaty really didn't want you there… _And who's Tamm…_ You felt your body getting heavier by the second.

''Don't worry about Tammy. She'll be fine.''

Once again, you regained consciousness. This was getting old, and you hated it… Wheaty stared back at you again. ''Take it easy, you're okay. Need you to drink this.'' He held a flask to your lips and helped you drink what felt to you like hot sand. Your throat must have been too dried out, and you almost spit it all back out. But you tried your best to swallow all of it.

''Are you out of your fucking mind?'' _That must be Tammy…_ A burly woman started to argue with Eli. ''This is stupid, and this is dangerous.'' They bickered back and forth, and you couldn't concentrate on all of it yet.

''What was I supposed to do?''

''Leave her to die.'' _Whoa…_ Tammy sure didn't like you.

''She's been in that room for God knows how long. I've seen what it does to people.''

You head started to clear up a bit, and you watched them closely. Eli also watched you carefully, like he was still deciding if you could be trusted.

''You can't trust this one.'' _Thanks Tammy._ You had no idea why she mistrusted you so much, nor what that room you had been in did to people. All you could guess so far was that you had been drugged and dreamt weird shit.

''This is not up for discussion. We need her. That's all there is to it. Understand?'' Eli must have been their leader of some sorts, because that seemed to be the end of the discussion. He sent everyone out, still eyeing you closely.

''I meant what I said, we need you. Let's get you some rest.'' He kept reassuring you and gently pushed you back down on the couch, suggesting for you to sleep it all off.

You probably wouldn't have slept otherwise, but your whole body and your mind could not have been more grateful for Eli and his help. And with the feeling that you were in good hands, you almost instantaneously drifted off to sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

_I really hope you guys like it, please tell me what you think about it all :D I'm a bit anxious here ;)_

 _Enjoy!_

* * *

 **Chapter 10**

 ** _John_**

John hadn't felt so many emotions in a long while, but as he heard news that Emily was gone… He had been paralyzed with fear.

He had contacted Jacob to ask how things were going with her, to see if there was any way for him to get her back or hear if maybe she had managed to escape somehow. But all Jacob had told him was that she was gone. He had to press for further information, about what had happened, Jacob had only told him that he had left her in that room with his psychological experience shit, and as he had gone back to check on his test objects, that she was gone.

Probably dead like his other test objects and taken by the Whitetails' and buried. That's what they usually did with the ones they found dead. They had left some behind, probably not their own people and they were also dead. They hadn't been strong enough, was all Jacob had to say to this. They had all been too weak.

John was beside himself. He knew Jacob wasn't one to follow Joseph's orders, or anyone's really, but he had hoped that he would have given Emily a bit more importance. That the interest Joseph and he had given to her would have meant something to him.

But he was all about his sick weak and strong bullshit. He knew he had been through rough shit and that he had no sense for a life's worth, but he thought that deep down Jacob would still care enough for his brothers and what was of importance to them. That was a fatal error.

And this was all his fault. John should have never brought her to this Dutch person. He should have never trusted some stranger to take care of her. He should have known that only he would know her worth and do whatever necessary to protect her.

All he could think about now was that he had to avenge her. And he would start with this Dutch bastard. And that's where he went. He would pay.

Once he had reached his bunker John found himself at gunpoint with him. Both tense, and he could tell Dutch was at a loss as to why John was there, boiling with rage.

''It's your fault! You sent her there! HOW COULD YOU!?'' John yelled at Dutch, closing in on him in raging anger.

''Whoa! Slow down there, what do you want?'' Dutch tried to calm him down, obviously not knowing what he was talking about. John's anger already drove tears to his eyes.

''What I want? I wanna know why you let her go! I told you to keep her safe! And you sent her after Jacob, after HIM?! Don't you know how ruthless he is? And now she's DEAD because of YOU! I'm gonna…'' John threatened, but Dutch interrupted him, startled.

''Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a minute! She's not dead, man! I just got off the radio, and she's safe and sound with… She's safe, okay! Relax…''

John couldn't believe his ears… He still didn't trust Dutch, and he wanted proof. He told him to call whomever had told him that again and let him speak to her. Dutch must have realized that John wasn't going to back down unless he heard her voice, so he called his people again, making sure none of them revealed their identity and to get Emily on the radio.

''Dutch…'' Emily's voice cawed weakly on the radio. Without thinking, John grabbed the radio out of Dutch's hands.

''Em…? Are you… Are you okay?'' He shakily asked… He couldn't believe it. It was her. She was alive. Relief washed over him.

''John? What…? Yes. What's going on? Is everything okay with you guys? Is Dutch okay?'' She sounded scared all of a sudden. Did she think he would have hurt Dutch?

''Yeah, yeah… I just heard you were gone… I thought you were dead… I blamed me, I'm so sorry. I can not lose you, okay?'' And then he realized how much he had exposed himself and switched the radio off in the middle of her answer.

''Don't worry, I'm okay… Just…''

He stared at the radio in disbelief. How stupid was he? He gave it back to Dutch and said, ''Nobody can know of her importance to me, it would be dangerous for both of us… Mainly her. I guess you can see that.'' And then he left without looking Dutch in the eyes again.

 ** _Emily_**

''John?'' Silence. Their radio was turned off. You were rattled about why John was with Dutch, and you hoped everything was okay. So you tried again.

''Dutch? John?''

''He left, kid. Jeez… What's up with that…? Don't say over the radio… Maybe we could meet up? Can you come by my place?'' You heard how puzzled Dutch was, and to be honest even you were bewildered about what just happened. ''Sure. See you soon, Dutch.''

Eli eyed you warily. And you couldn't blame him. You guessed the only reason he hadn't shot you was his trust in Dutch… And you, somehow you guessed he still believed in you. You were about to tell him… There wasn't anything really you could have told him, since you didn't know how to explain to him what just happened so you were just happy when he said, ''Go see him, just come back afterwards. Like I said… We need you.''

So you left the Wolf's Den and made your way to Dutch.

 ** _John_**

What was he thinking? The cult had control over almost all the radio stations, and it was extremely reckless of him to be so open on the radio. Someone could have been listening. Joseph could find out about just how much Emily meant to him.

But somehow he still found himself not caring. She was okay. She was alive.

Relief washed over him as he headed out of the bunker. He didn't know where to go. Somehow the Seed Ranch didn't feel safe anymore, so he just stood there. Outside the bunker breathing in the fresh air.

He felt like his mind was clearing and began to relax with the knowledge that Emily was safe for now.

He heard someone approaching him and instinctively threw his gun again. It was Dutch, unarmed with his hand up in the air in defense.

''I must be losin' my mind here but… She's coming here. So… Don't make me regret this, 'cause don't get me wrong. I still don't trust you, but… Maybe- Ugh… Maybe you wanna stay here and wait for her? You could wait here and we could…wait?'' Dutch seemed disgusted by the idea he had just uttered, but John could tell that he meant it.

So he agreed and lowered his gun in good will. Once they were back in Dutch's bunker, he started to become anxious and looked around. He guessed Dutch didn't really think about where he took him, because he found himself in his 'command center,' by the looks of it.

His eyes fell on a board with his family pinned on it, and he walked towards it. Dutch was pacing behind him not giving him much attention, so he read through his notes.

He had to laugh at what Dutch had written about them drawing unwanted attention back to him.

''Fuck! Don't do that. You shouldn't be in here.'' He pushed John out of the room again, back to the far end of his bunker where he placed him in what looked to be his bedroom.

''You got some parts right.'' John smiled at Dutch with amusement. ''Faith is not related. I don't see her as my sister; she's just a drugged up lunatic. And Joseph is a nutjob.'' He had to laugh out loud at that again. ''And I guess I am a psychopath… But you clearly underestimate my oldest brother, Jacob. He is the most lethal. He is the cruelest of us all… Few lives matter to him.''

He wasn't sure why he told Dutch all of this, but he felt so at ease that he didn't really think about it. He was about to see Emily again, and that calmed him.

Dutch, however, was still very bewildered about this whole situation. ''Yeah, okay… Um… Just wait here, okay? She should be here soon enough. Don't make me regret this. I want to talk to her first, okay?''

John didn't find himself to care really, so he just lied down on the bed and closed his eyes. ''Understood.'' She would be with him soon.

 ** _Emily_**

You hurried back as fast as possible. Not knowing what would await you or what drove you to hurry. But you knew you had to be at Dutch's bunker as soon as possible.

By nightfall, you reached his bunker but had made sure no one had followed you.

Dutch greeted you with a bear hug once you entered, and you felt your sorrows ease. Neither of you said anything, only shared looks of agreement. Clearly, none of you knew what to make of all of this. So he only told you that John was waiting in the back.

With big eyes, you left Dutch behind and walked toward the bedroom. Not knowing what to expect…

You found him lying there with closed eyes, completely at ease. You couldn't help yourself but admire him. He was handsome, no doubt. And without his insane speeches, he reminded you of the boy you once knew.

''Please. Come here. Join me.'' He said without opening his eyes, and you felt a shiver running down your spine. Without thinking, you stepped closer to him and found yourself reaching for his hand. As your hands intertwined, he took a sharp breath in and his eyes flew open.

''Don't ever make me feel this way again, Em. I can't lose you…'' His words were filled with emotion that you felt your knees weakening. With you kneeling at his side, he arose slightly and caressed your cheek. You leaned into his touch, longingly.

''Why…?'' Was all you could ask him, and he simply smiled at you.

''Can't you feel it? We belong to each other; we are bound.'' As you shook your head slightly at his words with a troubled look on your face, he just closed in and kissed you deeply.

This time around, you knew it to be real. Your mind was not drugged by Bliss anymore, and you kissed him back. He pulled you closer and broke your kiss with a caring hug in which you found yourself out of breath.

''I know you feel it too… I'm sorry that everything is such a mess… We will work it out, okay?'' He stroke the back of your head caringly.

* * *

 _Again Thanks to my lovely beta!_ chodofaggins _Without you none of this would be so good to read! Please keep supporting me!_

 _All of you guys! Please tell me what you think :)_


	11. Chapter 11

_So sorry it took so long... I hope you like it and I hope I finish the next chapter faster._

 _Enjoy_

* * *

 **Chapter 11**

 ** _Emily_**

It was all just too much for you. You definitely couldn't deny there was something more between John and you, but with everything he and the cult had done so far you had no choice. So even though it broke your heart, you pulled back from John's reach.

You could see it troubled him, and you knew you had to talk things through. But where should you begin?

''Listen… I…'' You started, but John interrupted you with a weak smile on his face.

''I know… I know. I'm sorry. This is all really messed up, and I don't know what to do, either…'' He seemed so vulnerable, smiling weakly at you like he wished for none of it to be real. Like he hoped you could somehow escape it all. But you had to be honest with him, there was no way around.

''We have to stop the cult. They are killing innocent people… I can't just let that happen. They have my partners… I can't just ignore what's happening here… Even if this is your family, John. It doesn't change that what they are doing is bad… Can't you see that?'' You didn't want to hurt him, but you needed him to know that you had to fight them. They had to be stopped.

''I… I know… just…'' He was so troubled and you wanted to help him, but you didn't know how. Deep down, you actually knew that you couldn't.

Was there any way of stopping the cult without hurting John along the way? You knew he would try and fight for his family, and if things went really bad again he might even rejoin them or maybe all of this was a set up…and you knew the resistance wouldn't back down without a fight… They were demanding blood. It broke your heart.

You didn't see this ending without bloodshed, and you knew on which side you stood.

''You know that I have to stop Joseph. And I guess you know that I won't be able to talk him out of it… Or Jacob…'' By this, you saw how his features darkened. You had to be careful. This moment could decide whether he would help you or not. You knew how strong his bond was to his family. How much power they had over him, even though he struggled with it.

''I can't just let you go kill my brothers. They are important to me. They are my family, Em. What do you expect?'' He said angrily, gazing at you with dark eyes. This was the John that scared you. He stood up and closed in on you. ''You can't expect me to be okay with that. To just let you go and…''

''And what do you suggest I do then? Huh? Walk away?'' You couldn't back down, even though you knew you angered him even more. ''They are bad. They are wrong! They're torturing and killing innocent people! How could you be okay with…'' He interrupted with a hard slap across your face. Your cheek was burning from his touch, but you stood your ground as you looked him in his eyes.

''I CAN'T LET YOU KILL THEM!'' John yelled at you and pushed you against the wall behind you. Holding you firm in a tight grip, you saw him trembling. ''THEY… they are my family…'' As fast as it boiled up, his anger disappeared just as sudden. He backed away from you with a shameful look on this face, just as Dutch dashed into the room, a gun pointed at John.

''Dutch! Stop! It's okay.'' You stepped forward. _Fuck, this got out of hand quickly…_ With your hands risen in a calm gesture, you approached Dutch ''It's okay. I got this… Can you give us a minute?''

''Fuck, kiddo… You sure? I don't like this…'' He was conflicted, to say the least, but eventually he lowered his gun and strode out of the room again. ''If I hear anythin' more… He's out. And lucky to be alive…'' He grumbled quietly towards you while leaving.

A sigh escaped your lips, before you could regain composure. With soft but worried eyes, you watched John eyeing you anxiously in return, and you couldn't help but laugh at that.

''Seriously? What's so funny right now?'' He probably thought you had lost your mind, as he still kept his distance, not trusting himself apparently.

''Could this be any more cliché? If it weren't true, I'd think it were to cheesy to be real. What will we make out of it? Romeo and Juliet? Bonnie and Clyde? Or is this more of a Hamlet and Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde mix?'' You teased him, and apparently it worked since he had to stifle a laugh.

''Come on, Em. That's not a joke.'' He shook his head with a frown. And you knew he was right.

 ** _John_**

He didn't get it. She should hate him and not joke about this whole mess. Dutch could have killed him several times now, but he didn't. And he should not be here. He betrayed his brothers; while at the same time, he couldn't follow his heart… Heart… He feared he hadn't much of a heart left.

''I think I should just leave…'' John said but couldn't bring himself to move an inch. He just stood there like a lost puppy, unsure whether he was the hurt one or the one doing the hurting. But he was certain that Em was right about one thing.

''You're right. This is cliché, and what's the worst part of it all… One of us, or us both, will end up dead. And there is no way around it.'' He felt sick to his stomach. Like he had been the reason for her involvement. And he hated himself for that. He hated himself for so many things at the moment, and he just wanted it all to end.

''Don't…'' Emily started, and she was about to reach out to him but he stopped her with a small shake of his head. ''No…really. I want to help you, but I can't. I'm not even sure why anymore. It's like there are two souls in me, fighting over what to do and what is right.'' He couldn't bare looking at Emily. This was a battle he had to fight alone. No cult, no Joseph… Not even Emily. He had to figure this out on his own.

''What Joseph told you…about his daughter… I didn't know. But - -''

''You were there? With Jacob and Joseph? - - I didn't see you there…'' It was Emily's turn now to be angry, but it faded quickly.

''Yes… I… I had to try and get you back, but they wouldn't let me have you. Jacob wanted to proceed with his experiments…'' He knew how horrible his brothers were, what they had done and what they were willing to do. It scared even him. But they were still his family. A sad sigh escaped his lips.

''I don't blame you for any of it, you know? I just… I still can't fully grasp your part in it all. But it doesn't matter. I know what I have to do, and you know I won't change my mind… - - Could you…at least let Deputy Hudson go? Is there any chance?'' John had forgotten about her, but Emily was right. Maybe that was something he could do for her. He could tell Joseph that she managed to escape, just like Emily had. Or just…stay out of it all. As he struggled with his answer, Emily had stepped closer to him and held his hand again. She had so much influence on him that it almost scared him.

If it were the three of them, John, Joseph and Emily, he couldn't tell what would happen. Who's side he would join.

''I'll think about it, Em… Joseph wont be to happy about it, if I just let her go. And I can't risk him knowing…how much…'' Another sigh escaped him. He was at total loss and couldn't imagine this ending any good way, at least not for him…

His heart made a sudden jump and almost stopped. Emily had let go of his hand and shyly kissed him. It was a swift and soft kiss, but when she pulled away from him he saw that her eyes blazed with passion. And guilt. Just like him, she didn't know what to do, on which desires to act. It was touch-and-go how it would all end and they both played a big part in it, on opposite sides, but apparently next to each other.

Just as she was about to make her next move, John stopped her. He had to go. Away from her. She was too dangerous for him. So he held her tight and kissed her lightly on the forehead. With a whisper, ''Be careful.'' John rushed past her out of the bunker, also passing an irritated Dutch.

He had no choice. He couldn't stay here any longer. What little was left of a heart inside him felt like it would burst any minute. He had not felt so uncertain about all of it in a long while… He had to clear his head and think about it.

* * *

 _I know I know... Poor John, still so uncertain about everything and moody..._

 _I hope you liked it, keep reviewing and feel free to tell me if you don't like anything :) Maybe we can make it even better ;)  
_

 _You guys are awesome! Thank you for all your kind comments! Especially_ VickQueen _! You are so sweet, thank you!_

 _And again! Thank you_ chodofaggins _Without your help none of it would be readable ! I'm really grateful for your help!_


	12. Chapter 12

_Hope you guys still like it, small warning, it's getting more M rated later...  
_ _And I hope you don't mind me using Fu** so often ;) apparently it's the most common word in her mind..._

* * *

 **Chapter 12**

 ** _Emily_**

You stood there…alone in Dutch's bedroom, confused. A few things were clear by now. John and you were madly attracted to each other and could barely hold yourselves back, while at the same time all you could do was argue about how the other was wrong and expecting too much from the other.

Dutch dashed into the bedroom, and you guessed that John had left the bunker.

''Kid… What's going on?'' He questioned.

You couldn't possibly explain to Dutch that you had undeniable feelings for John nor convince him that John would hopefully do the right thing and help you… You didn't even know if John would help you, so you only told him that John was thinking about letting Deputy Hudson go.

Dutch must have seen something in John, too, or otherwise he would have shot him already, that much you were sure of. So maybe John really wasn't lost just yet. Maybe there still was hope.

Eli, Tammy, and the others back at the Wolf's Den were probably already expecting you, but you weren't ready to go back just yet. Your mind was still reeling, and while you were still debating with yourself whether or not you should approach John again your mind wandered back to Boomer.

You had left him behind after John first caught you… That must have been weeks ago by now, or at least it felt like it. Constant unconsciousness surely didn't help you keep track of time, but Dutch had good news for you. Boomer had found his way to the resistance and was loyally at the side of Grace Armstrong.

You didn't know her, but apparently she took tremendous care of Boomer which helped ease your mind.

Maybe now was the perfect time to keep your promise to Boomer and go join him and Grace, before you would approach John or leave for Whitetail Mountains again. You did miss him.

You knew you had to go back to Eli and the others; Tammy was already suspicious of you, because of the experiments Jacob had done on you. But you couldn't remember much of what had happened nor did anyone tell you what his experiments were exactly which did make you even more anxious, but there wasn't much you could do about it.

Either way, you thought about it, and your heart told you that you needed to go see John again. It felt like you had made a lot of progress with him and freeing Deputy Hudson, so it seemed like your chances of helping her were higher than going back to the Whitetails and rescuing Pratt.

Deputy Pratt… He was with Jacob. Not that he had joined him really, but he was at his compound working for him. You guessed this was his only chance of surviving, since it didn't seem to you like he had really joined him. Pratt had been anxious in Jacob's presence and had looked worn out and unsteady. Had he gone through Jacob's experiments, too? _Oh god… Will I end up like him? Or Hudson?_ Both looked like they would need years of therapy to process what they had been through.

Again, your mind was jumping back and forth on where to go and what to do next, but your heart had already decided earlier that you needed to approach John again. So you told Dutch to get in touch with Eli and tell him you would join him later, as soon as possible, and you headed out.

John had probably gotten here by plane but you didn't have one, so you made your way of the island and thought about how to best get to John. You guessed he went back to the bunker where he held Hudson. You wanted to reach him fast but also didn't want to attract too much attention, since you didn't know if the rest of the cult knew you were alive. And quite frankly, you did prefer them thinking you were dead.

 _Fuck it…_ You hopped on the next quad bike you found and hurried through the woods, staying off the roads as much as possible, in order to hopefully not get seen by any peggies.

Along the way, you heard some cultists near by and prayed that they didn't realize it was you, but you kept going as fast as possible.

Luckily after a few hours and in the disguise of night, you had reached the bunker where Deputy Hudson was being held. And more than likely, John was there, too; a plane was near by, just like you had predicted.

 ** _John_**

He had been with Hudson three times now; every time he passed her room, she shuddered and started crying. It disgusted him that what he had done to her caused her to react that way. How could he have been okay with how he acted before? He felt like he didn't know the person who had done so much harm to so many people… But he knew it had been him. He knew that he was capable of doing horrible things for his family, and it haunted him. Maybe even more than he did Deputy Hudson.

Since he had arrived back at the bunker, he hadn't talked much with other members of the cult. Mainly because he was to occupied in his head, but also because he didn't know what to say… He knew there were whispers about his last few trips… To Jacob, to get Emily back, and this one now… He guessed some of them treated him warily, because they couldn't figure out what he had been up to.

Before, he had mostly been quite open about his plans and had involved at least a few members of the cult in them. He had liked ordering them around and letting them do his hard work. He hadn't gone out alone for quite a while, so it was an unusual behavior.

His last actions had made him seem suspicious. Mostly to Joseph. That's why he didn't know how to free Hudson… He couldn't simply let her go. Even if he wanted to.

Passing Hudson's room for the fourth time, he had made his way back to the central control room, uncertain about what to do with her.

''Is that…?''

''Did you see her too?''

''Yeah… I thought she was dead?'' John looked up to see what his men were talking about and saw Emily on one of his monitors. His heart stopped.

What was she thinking? Coming back here, revealing she was still alive…

''Let me handle her. Get her to my room...'' John ordered his men who eyed him strangely but did as he told them. He knew he couldn't approach her in front of his men; he couldn't let them see how intimate they were, or Joseph would find out. So there was no other way but to tell her through the speakers of the bunker that his men were getting her to him and that there was no reason to resist.

He hoped that he sounded like the sadistic man he had been before in order for his men to not suspect anything but also hoped that she knew he wouldn't let her get hurt. John couldn't believe how messed up everything had gotten… His situation was very tense, and she kept making it even more difficult for him which angered him, but at the same time he was happy to see her again.

He almost started to get annoyed with his conflicted feelings, but they troubled him too much for him to ignore them.

He went to his private room within the bunker and waited for her to join him. This was one the few rooms inside the bunker which wasn't monitored, and they had to speak privately.

The emotional strain she caused him was almost unbearable for him, but he waited patiently leaning against his desk for her arrival. Apparently, she had put up a bit of a fight since there was blood dripping from her forehead, right above her right eyebrow, and one of the men guarding her to his room had a bloody nose. Emily sure was stubborn and not one to shy away from a fight.

He closed in on her. They hadn't had the time to tie her up apparently, so she just stood there, hands balled to fists. He guessed she really wanted to punch this man again for knocking her over the head, and somehow he couldn't blame her. He wanted to punish him as well for hurting her.

With a tight grip, he grabbed her chin and inspected her new wound with an amused smile on his face. He couldn't deny that her stubbornness attracted him even more, and he had to fight the urge to get even closer to her; he needed his men gone before either of them did anything stupid.

So he gestured for his men to leave them alone, but the one with the bloody nose was about to argue with him. John interrupted him harshly, ''Get out! I can handle her on my own.'' Everything in his voice indicated that there was no room for discussion, so his men left without another word, closing the door behind them.

As soon as the door was closed, Em was all over him. Apparently they shared this twisted, angered attraction towards each other. As lust fully overcame him and he couldn't hold back anymore, he grabbed her roughly, swiveled her around and pinned her against the desk behind them. A moan escaped her lips, as he pulled her head back to kiss her neck.

He had wanted to be this close to her, ever since he first saw her in the church…

 ** _Emily_**

 _Fuck…_ Your head was spinning from passion and confusion. You hadn't intended for this to end up in a make-out session, but you had no apparent control over you body… And neither did John, clearly.

It was almost like you fought each other, but you didn't mind the roughnes since it was filled with sensual intimacy. What ever had been on the desk before was now all over the floor, and John picked you up and pressed you against the wall, pushing himself between your legs.

Both of you had been completely oblivious to the knocks on the door as your moans grew louder, so you continued driven by emotions and blind lust.

You started to fiddle with his shirt, but John pushed you even harder against the wall and held your wrists in a tight grip above your head with one hand as his other gripped tightly around your neck.

He looked at you with wild eyes, panting softly, as the door opened again much to your surprise. Your instinct kicked in, and you started to struggle against his grip with irritated gasps since you didn't like to be positioned like that with strangers around.

''Is…um… Is everything…okay? Do you need…'' Whoever had entered started, and you guessed that luckily it looked more like a struggle than a passionate make-out session. John must have had the same thoughts but apparently a bit more drastic, since he send you flying with a hard slap across your face.

You groaned as you connected with the floor, and John yelled madly, ''I told you. TO. GET. OUT!''

You stayed down crouched, not wanting to show your face. You wanted to get back up and punch John, but you knew you had caused enough trouble already and this needed to look like you were his captive… You hated it. What you hated maybe even more was that you realized that you might have been even more aroused by John now than you had been before. This surprised you, giving you even more reason to stand down and out of sight.

But the cultist who had dared to get back into the room apologized to John, and you could hear his voice was filled with fear.

You had sold it quite well apparently and luckily so, but even though you heard footsteps and the door close again, as well as it being locked, you didn't dare to look back up. You couldn't trust yourself yet.

* * *

 _Again thanks to my Wonderfull BETA_ chodofaggins. You are an incredible help!

 _Please tell me what you think about it guys :) appreciate it!_


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

 ** _John_**

They had fucked up majorly… John was most certain that Joseph would hear about this and see right through him, and that would put both of them in even greater danger.

He couldn't risk anyone coming back into the room again, and that's why he had locked it this time. As he turned around, he saw Emily still lying on the ground, shivering.

Their relationship was really messed up, and even though he had to admit that he liked being rough with her, dominating her, he knew that slapping her like that had been a mistake. Well not for the sake of keeping their cover up, but he knew she must have been aggravated now.

As he approached her slowly, uncertain of how she would react next, he knelt down besides her and turned her so she had to face him.

Her cheek was slightly red from his touch, as was her neck… One meant passion and the other aggression. Right there, he saw how small the line was, between sensuality and abuse. It aroused and disgusted him equally, and he had to admit to himself that it was all wrong.

Never did he want to hurt her again, but what other choice had she left him. What had she been thinking coming back to him, and what did she expect? Had she thought that she could just walk in here and leave happily with Deputy Hudson, no harm done?

With her right hand balled to a fist, she punched him hard on his chest, and he could tell that she was struggling with her emotions, too. A soft smile spread across his face; he just realized how perfect they were for each other. But not in this world. Not with the cult.

Right here, right now, they were risking everything, and it needed to stop.

Neither of them said anything, both trying hard to get their focus back on track. They didn't have time for this, and this was most certainly not the best place to act out on their attractions for each other.

After what felt like an eternity of silence, John finally helped Emily back to her feet and guided her to a chair in order for her to sit down in front of him so that they could talk. And just that.

''What were you thinking, Em…?'' He placed his head in his hands. How could he possibly let her go now. Joseph had probably already heard the news that she was still alive and here, with John.

He just hoped that somehow he would be able to get her out of here before Joseph could join them.

''I just had to. I…I know. I'm sorry…'' He could tell without looking at her that she didn't fully grasp just how severe her situation was.

''No, no, you don't. You don't know.'' John looked back up, desperation had over come his face and he struggled… This was now his decision to make. He wouldn't let her choose. She didn't know… She didn't understand.

''I'm gonna fix this, Em. Just…please. Tag along and trust me on this one. And please, for once, do as I ask you to. Can you do that for me?'' He had gotten hold of her hands now, keeping them between his hands, begging her to see.

''You need to trust me, trust that I only want what's best for you, can you do that? Can you play along and let me help you get out of here? And after I do, can you please promise me to stay away until this all blows over?'' His eyes were pleading now, and he hoped with all his heart that she would trust him.

And if she didn't, he also knew what he had to do, his mind was set. It was the only way for both of them to stand a chance of making it out of here. And the only way for John to get out of it, too, without causing to much suspicion.

 ** _Emily_**

''No, John… I - -'' You started, because you didn't understand. What was his planning? But at that, John let go of your hands and stood back up while kicking his chair across the room. You hadn't expected him to react this way; you needed to explain yourself to him, but he had already started to yell at you.

''Why is it so difficult for you to just ONCE say YES?! Hmm, Emily? Why? Can't you see that this is the only way?'' His eyes were eerily calm, like his tantrum wasn't real, but he sold it pretty well and you couldn't stop the shiver from running down your spine. He started to scare you.

''John… What…?'' You tried again, but he wouldn't let you talk. This time with saddened eyes, he kissed you lightly, and you could tell he was hurt, but why?

''You need to trust me, Emily. I need you out of here…'' John whispered in your ear. _What is he up to?_

But before you could speak or react in anyway, he grabbed a hold of your throat again, this time not gently, not passionately, and pulled you out of your chair towards the door.

An unwilling cry of pain and irritation escaped your mouth, and you tried to get him off of you. ''NO! Stop!'' You felt like an disobedient child that was dragged away from the playground, but you couldn't help it.

Even though you tried to get him off but you didn't want to hurt him, not really, fear had reached your brain by now. You didn't understand why he was acting like that, had you misplaced your trust in him? Had he just played you before, and why was he treating you like that again?

''No, John… PLEASE! NO!'' You almost sobbed now with a racing heart, but the weak and irritated punches you connected with John's arms and chest made no difference. John looked like he was about to cry as well, and you didn't understand it. Your mind simply couldn't catch up.

As you were close to the door now, John threw you against the wall next to the door, so he could open it more easily without letting go of your throat. ''No? Don't you see it, Em? You have to say YES! It's the only way.'' Before opening the door, he looked at you once more with an apologetic expression on his face, but it washed away as he turned the key and opened the door slightly.

''Or maybe Deputy Hudson could convince you. I'm sure she can help me to make you say yes.'' He grinned at you now with a sadistic smile. Your eyes widened in horror. _He wouldn't hurt her, right? He's trying to get me out of here and Hudson, too._

''N…No… Please, no! Stop…'' You hated that you felt so weak and broken, and it wasn't an act. Tears were now running down your face, and you couldn't even muster up the strength to fight John anymore. You were too confused and hurt. All you could do was hope he meant what he said before. That he was about to get you out of here… That this was all an act, even though it felt so real.

''No?! YES! Deputy, yes! I'm going to make you see…'' He loosened his grip on your throat, only to send you flying out of the room. You saw some peggies standing around the hallway, staring at the scene unfolding before them. As you connected with the floor, again, a small flame of anger came back to life, and you turned to face John as quickly as you could.

But he was already hovering over you.

''NO!'' You yelled at him now, hating how he humiliated you in front of his men. ''Never…'' You spat out just, as he pressed you back down to the ground, his hand back on your throat and his knee unsettling far up your legs. A few tears were still fighting their way down your face, and you tried your best to hold them back.

All you could do was to grab his wrist in an unsuccessful attempt to have him loosen his grip, while you tried to push his leg down with your other hand. It surprised you how strong he was; he sure didn't look like it, but his hold was like iron, and you didn't stand a chance.

''Get Deputy Hudson for me. We're going for a little walk, maybe then our sweet Deputy here will understand the seriousness of her words.'' John ordered his men, while never leaving your gaze.

''NO! Please… Ugh!'' Anger was now boiling inside you, as tried to fight John unsuccessfully. Some of his men had left at his order, probably to go get Hudson.

You didn't know what to do, should you oblige and say yes to John or keep fighting him? How did he intend for this to play out? And how could you get Hudson to safety? _Fuck… FUCK FUCK!_

Your head was spinning as you tried to understand it all, and it didn't help that John pulled you slightly back up from the ground only to push you back into it. With a little crack, your head reconnected with the stone floor of the hallway, and you gritted you teeth in pain.

''Shhh…sh sh… It's going to be okay, Em.'' John caressed your face gently but held his tight grip. ''Just say 'Yes' and we can leave…'' His words were softer now, and you couldn't help yourself as you felt your mouth hang open, panting. His voice was almost mesmerizing, and all of a sudden it calmed you.

He loosened his grip on you and stood back up, holding out a hand for you to help you get back up, too. You were visibly trembling by now but reached for his hand with your own shaking one. His touch actually soothed you even more, despite the fact that he acted like this total megalomaniac, and you got back up, trying to keep some distance between John and you, but even more distance to his men.

''Are you willing to say yes to me now?'' John closed in on you like you were his prey. You slightly shook your head, unable to say anything. You didn't trust your voice, because you feared that it might betray you and say yes. _Do I have to say yes? Or keep resisting him? How… What is his plan? Fuck… this is just…_

And then you heard Hudson being dragged down the hallway. She was in bad shape and crying relentlessly. All you wanted to do was free her and fight your way out of here with her, but she definitely was in no condition to.

As you tried to step closer to her with the intention to try and sooth her, John grabbed you from behind and pressed you against him fiercely, with your arms held in place behind your back with just one of his hands.

''Mmh mmh mh… Stay here.'' He stroked a stand of your hair out of your face with his other hand, eyeing you with interest. _What do you want John? Ugh! Couldn't you have just told me before? You idiot…_

How you wished to tell him that, but you knew that you needed to help him keep his disguise, and a small part of you even feared that this might just be his true self. _No… No way… He's just…_

''Maybe you don't understand how serious I am, Em.'' He said to you, his lips almost brushing your face. You were uncomfortably close to each other. ''Let's show the Deputy that I'm not fooling around here.'' John told his men and pulled out a pocket knife. _Where'd that come from? What…?_

And he threw it to the man holding Hudson in place. Not that they needed to, to be honest, she was tied up and even her mouth was pasted up with gaffer tape; she sure was going no where on her own.

This made you struggle against John's hold with more force now since you didn't think that this meant that his men would cut Hudson free… But again, his hand found his way to your throat and he forced you to keep still, looking at Hudson.

''You know what you have to do, Deputy. Just say the word, and this will all be over.'' The sadism dripping from his words made you cringe uncomfortably in his hold.

''N...No…'' You bit back at him with disgust.

A laugh trembled through his body and shook yours in response. John tightened his grip even more, and you thought your chin must burst any minute now, forcing you to watch a helpless Hudson shudder even more as the pocket knife folded out with a click.

''No? Are you sure? Do you want Deputy Hudson to suffer even more?'' He teased you, since all you could say to that was...

''NO! No… Please…'' You begged him, and you knew it was no help…

''Two times.'' John ordered his man who simply nodded and started to cut Hudson with the pocket knife John had handed him before. Your eyes widened in shock.

''NO! STOP! Please!'' You begged powerless, not understanding yet.

''Once more.'' John nodded to his man who cut Hudson deep this third time. She was sobbing in pain. Her body was visibly drained, and it was only a matter of time for her to pass out.

''Please… Pl...please...'' That was all you could say, fearing for them to hurt her even more and unsure of how to prevent it… Desperation overcame you, but you didn't care to hide it. This was serious now, and you couldn't let them hurt Hudson even more.

''Aaah…'' John chuckled with a sardonic grin on his face. ''Here we go… Did you just realize that saying 'No' to me will only hurt your friends, Deputy?''

He teasingly rubbed his cheek against yours, as you kept struggling in his iron hold. Burning tears were running down your cheeks again. He must have known you wouldn't want to say 'Yes' to him, not to the cult. _Why is he doing this?_

''I…I… - -'' You had never felt so helpless and torn apart before. You could feel your body, mind, and heart each tearing in to different directions… And it hurt.

''Yes… Deputy? Are you now finally willing to come with me? Are you ready to say 'Yes'''? John's voice almost lulled you into a trance.

''Will you…'' You sighed in surrender. ''Will you stop hurting her then?'' You had stopped fighting him and stood as still as you possibly could with your still shaking body.

''If you say yes…I'll allow Deputy Hudson to come with us.'' John made sure not to promise you that she wouldn't get hurt anymore, you guessed, because he knew he could never keep that promise. This had to be good enough for you, and you couldn't really say 'No' either, since that would mean for her to be hurt again.

''Okay…'' You only nodded at his response, somehow hoping he would let you get away with not actually saying yes.

''Okay what, Emily?'' John had loosened his hold on you and now turned you to face him, but he still held your hands behind your back which caused you two to stand quite close to each other.

''Ye…'' With the last bit of willpower you had in you, you forced yourself to say it. ''Yes.''

John looked like he was about to kiss you, but instead he guided you out of the bunker with a smile on his face. He never let go of your hands behind your back, leading you along the hallways like a prisoner.

You hoped you were now able to leave it all behind you, that Hudson and you were free soon.

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 _Hey guys, I hope you still like it ;) I know I know, a lot of back and forth between Emily and John but it makes the most sense to me ;)_

 _Hope you guys agree, comment if you like, I'd appreciate it :)_


	14. Chapter 14

_Sorry I didn't mean to keep you all waiting for so long. Had to take some time for myself and I might have lost my Beta along the way :'|_

 _If anyone wants to help me make this story better please do so and write me! 3_

 _ALSO, I reread the whole story and regret not going darker at some points, I might do that on AO3, preferably with some help  
Not just for gramma and basic stuff but IF someone wants to rewrite this with me, describing scenes a bit better and giving it all a bit more emotion  
I would be glad :) _

_ah.. If this wasn't clear before... this Chapter is my mess ;) Not beta read_

 _and short... sorry_

 _3_

* * *

 **Chapter 14**

 ** _John_**

The peggies around them cheered loudly and John felt he urge to throw up. He played his part so convincingly that he feared he might lose himself in it. He had been this person before, for different reasons but still,… it was a part of him.

But he had to push those fears away and keep going, because so far it had all played out exactly how he intended it to. Well actually he had expected Emily to fight back more, maybe she had listened to him after all and did trust him. Or maybe she had just lost hope and gave up…

John couldn't think about that or he was certain his cover would blow up, even though being cruelly convincing before gave him a bit of space around his men. But he wouldn't risk getting emotional now, they were so close to the exit,… so he kept pushing her forward without another word.

Once they were out of the bunker he would take them to the Seed Ranch and there he would fly Emily out of here and leave everything behind. She would have never agreed to it, since it meant that she had to leave her friends and the resistance behind as well… and Hudson. He only had room for two people in his plane, pilot and co-pilot.

He knew he lied to Emily… he had told her he would let Hudson come with them, well he did. But he wouldn't fly her out… Or maybe… if Emily could be convinced… maybe he could let them fly out of here but only if she would stay away.

„Get in!" John ordered Emily and pushed her into a van. Hudson was placed in another car and John joined Emily in the back of the van after he told his peggies to drive to the Seed Ranch.

Once the doors were closed and Emily and John had some sort of privacy he tried to reach for her hands. He needed to … but she flinched away from his touch.

 ** _Emily_**

What was his game? You couldn't read John and as he tried to touch you your instincts kicked in. Judging by his look this hurt him but you remained silent, you were hurt too.

All you wanted was for this madness to be over with and you caught yourself still wishing this was just a hurtfully realistic nightmare, but it wasn't. Your aching and burning body was a too clear of a reminder of that.

After a while you looked up only to see John watching you anxiously. His eyes caught you off guard and, even though by now it was almost beyond you why or how you even could but still, sympathy washed over you. There was a gloom of sadness surrounding him and you could tell he was struggling with his emotions.

It felt like forever, the two of you watching each other silently, trying to figure out what was going on and how the other one felt. Some sort of understanding overcame you as you realized this might have been the only way for the three of you out of the bunker. John had to keep up this charade in case this all went sideways, giving him more options, you understood that now.

But there was no denying that it wasn't all an act. This sadistic cruel person was a part of who John was. He might have switched sides, and you were mostly still certain that you could trust him with your life but you also knew the lives of others meant little to him, but a part of him still was a Seed, maybe even longing to be reunited with his brothers and that thought sacred you.

There was no telling how this would all end and you had a really bad feeling. Ultimately death was the only way out of this. Either the cults or the resistances. You knew by now that the Seed family wasn't to be captured, Joseph would rather die than abandon his cult and vision…

Still, you knew that no matter how twisted he was you would still try and safe John, either way. You saw the good in him and that he wasn't just pure evil…

A loud clash and unexpected loss of gravity tore you out of your thoughts. _Sh… Wha..?! UGH!_

The van must have been ambushed considering with how much force you were knocked out of your route and probably on it's way crashing down a hill due to John and you flying through the back of the van. It was all a blur, and as fast as it happened it came to an sudden halt, knocking you both on the van's roof.

John came back to it way faster then you and was already slamming his body against the doors, without success. Still tipsy and out of focus you got up and pushed John away from the doors. Softly taking a hold of the handles, you gave the doors a rough thug and almost too easily pushed them open.

You stumbled outside and felt to the ground weakly. Shook still controlling you, you stayed on the ground and weren't able to focus on anything. All noises were muffled but you could feel John yanking you up roughly.

 ** _John_**

„Em!" She wasn't responding to him no matter how hard he tried. The resistance had attacked the convoy, probably well aware that she was in one of the vans. John couldn't tell if they knew he was here as well, but he couldn't risk it.

They were clearly outnumbered by the sounds of it. He had to get out of here as fast as possible and he wanted Emily to come with him. But she was non-responsive…

He let go of her and went to the drivers cabin to check if his men were conscious, which of course they were not. He was on his own.

So he reach inside to grad the guns his men had lost during the crash and made his way back to Em.

„Em… EM! Come on!" He shook her again, at least she was on her feet now and looking into his eyes.

„We have to go! Come on!" He was desperate. If they didn't leave soon the resistance would catch up and … most definitely shoot him. He knew they hated him,… knew they were after his blood and would make him pay for all the horrible thing he had done to them.

Finally Em babbled senseless words and it looked like the situation finally caught up with her.

„Listen, I know you're in shock, but please… We have to go,… NOW!" He pleaded holding her close again.

„I-I… I d… I don't think I can…" she stuttered as her knees gave up again. She was too week, too shocked… John realized that he had only three options.

He could be stubborn about it and try and drag her with him as far as possible, hoping to reach safety, but the chances of them not getting caught were near to nothing… Or he could stay with her… get captured. There might be a slim chance that the resistance would not kill him right away and just torture him, but this way he could be with her. But it was highly unrealistic that they wouldn't shoot him on sight… This left him with only one option if he wanted to survive.

Leave her behind.

„… Go." She whispered. Her eyes told him everything he needed to know. She understood the situation. It was his only way out of this alive.

Tears were forming in her eyes as she said more determined, „Now… they want me, they might not even know you're here… go. Please! I'll be alright."

And with that John knelt down to Emily to give her a soft kiss goodbye… It broke his heart but he tore himself away from her and ran away from the van. To the woods, to find cover.

After what felt like hours to him he slowed down his pace only to realize where he was…

He had headed to the wrong direction. He was no longer in his area,… but close to Josephs compound… He was slightly wounded from the crash and John knew he had to rest soon or he might put himself in danger again.

So he swallowed down his anxiety and kept heading towards Joseph…

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 _Comments? :)_


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